SENTIMENTS OF SOUL 1944
Jesus, can the dead talk, can the heart of a corpse to feel a
longing for Heaven and be determined to fly to You? It is crazy,
crazy to be hidden, to be lost in the immensity of Your Divine Love!
Jesus, Jesus, it is my pain that talks to You, and lives; it's a
pain that speaks to us, and lives; it is such a pain that it
encompasses all other pains.
Jesus, I feel that my body is no longer a corpse which earthworms
have not entered, a corpse that, a few days after being lowered into
the grave, can still be recognized. No, my Jesus, no, my body is not
even ashes; everything has disappeared.
my God, what was my death, what a lost eternity! Listen, Jesus, have
mercy, look upon me, read in my pain! It is for You, for souls.
Weigh what this death of mine caused me; see how, in Your absence, I
cannot resist the great longing for Heaven and with such an anxiety
to love You, I no longer wish to be here.
night has no stars, there is no sun. Oh pain, pain; I only live, I
only live, I only live, but I do not love, I do not love Jesus, I do
not live for Jesus.
Hear, O Lord, my cry! I offer You my cry! What will become of me, my
God, what will become of me without You.
fight, fight, O tremendous fight!
Jesus, a year ago my martyrdom in Foz ended (she refers to the
hospital where her fast was monitored): I remember those forty
days and everything I suffered there. Do You take account, Jesus, of
so painful a martyrdom? I did not actually go back to Foz, but I can
almost say that I suffered as much as when I was there. You arranged
it, O my good Jesus, so that I relived everything: my blood was
dripping into the ground drop by drop; I relived everything, Jesus.
Take account of all my pain and, for souls, shut the gates of hell.
it so that I love You and cause You to be loved: I hunger to give
You the entire world.
my Jesus, my longing I not a longing for food; it is not my body
that feels hunger and thirst, because I no longer exist, but it is a
heart, it is a soul outside of me that hungers and thirsts! You
understood, my Jesus, that it was the fierce pain that forced me to
speak: I would give everything, I would give the world, I would give
life itself, if possible, just for a little food.
cravings, what anxieties, my Jesus, of having everything in order to
give everything! I'm crazy, I'm crazy, Jesus, I want to love You, I
want to give You souls.
Jesus, after all this, I do not know what pain is, I do not know
what suffering is, I am unaware of all, nothing belongs to me. Turn
your divine eyes towards me, I want to fix mine forever on You. Have
mercy, Jesus, have mercy.
darkness of night, the horrors of death!
cry of pain continues, Jesus; listen, it is pain that cries, it is
a pain that cries for your help.
Jesus, it is a pain that feels pain, it is pain that has no other
life except pain: everything else, my Jesus, everything else has
fallen into the tomb, has gone to eternity. I don’t see light; it
seems to me, O my God, that I have never seen light, I do not know
what the moon is, nor the brightness of the sun, nor the twinkling
of the stars. I do not know what life is or the love of Jesus.
my God! How can this state be, one that has life and has a heart
that feels, and what does it feel? It feels it has been torn and
pierced by a sharp spear, feels that it cannot be more wounded, yet
feels that after being so mistreated it still has more hearts to be
pierced by more sharp spears, calling to mind the Mother of the
Sorrows. Great cruelty and ingratitude! And what have I done for You
and for my Heavenly Mother?!
even more, my pain has eyes that weep tears of blood and cry
continuously in greatest bitterness; it has feet and hands to be
crucified, it has a head to be crowned with thorns that penetrate as
far as the ear, while the pain invades the whole body.
Jesus, I am scared, I do not know what my pain foresees. Oh, what
horror! Everything is storm, threatening. I hear the howling of the
wind, the echoes of terrible thunder, threats of destruction:
everything flees in terror and I am alone at sea, without a boat,
without a rudder and without light; I am about to sink forever in
the abyss of the sea!
Horror! Horror! Storm rips the clouds, the sky opens up and hurls
retribution against the land. My God, my Jesus, what am I still
Thy most holy arms I surrender myself.
Listen, Jesus, my pain is almost dying. It received a powerful blow!
Oh pain, pain that kills pain, pain that can only be known by Jesus!
my eyes on You, Jesus, slander, humiliation, scorn, hatred,
forgetfulness contain the sweetness of Thy love. May anything come,
O Jesus; whatever pleases You.
my name die, as I feel that my body and my soul have died, so that
your divine love may live in hearts and Thy grace in souls. May this
be so, my Beloved, because I allowed myself to be immolated.
how to endure so much? O Jesus, look upon this heart that explodes,
it is broken in pain and cannot endure so much pressure if you do
not come to help.
Come, come, Lord Jesus! Help, help, Jesus! They want to deprive me
of everything; they threaten to stop me from receiving You, to
prohibit the parish Priest from coming to me, unless my life is in
danger, if I do not obey.
obey, I obey, my Jesus, with the help of Thy divine grace! O holy
obedience, I love you for Jesus and for souls!
put me in public without my consent, I knew nothing; and now, my
Jesus, they want, at the expense of my pain, to catch the feathers
that such a furious wind has spread. How, Jesus, how?
never again, my Jesus, never more. Oh, if I could live hidden; oh,
if I could love You as much as I desire, to be yours, my Jesus, as
much as possible, but forgive me, O Jesus, forgive me, for not
having a life like this!
how many saints there are who know nothing of this life, and me, my
Jesus, full of misery!
how I miss the years that have gone by! So many conversations I have
had with You that nobody knew about! I would give lives, my Jesus, I
would give worlds to live hidden.
Forgive me, Jesus, I want, but I have no will.
God, if I knew that, with my suffering, your consolation was
complete! If I could live closed in this little room, and only You,
my Jesus, and these poor walls being witnesses of my pain, without
my family and all those I love being unable to remember that I lived
here and that I had never lived in their company, then I might
suffer no longer. But I see that what suffers most is your divine
Heart, and that those who are dear to me suffer with me; they cannot
forget me: that hurts me the most.
many times am I unable to hold back the tears, blind, blind with
it occurs to me that it is more perfect not to cry, because not
crying pleases Jesus more. I fix my eyes on the Crucified, I raise
them to Heaven, I stay for some time contemplating Jesus and soon
the tears, that I had thought would never end, stop: I feel new
God, what a tremendous fight! Woe is me without You! Jesus, Heavenly
Mother, help me: I am your victim! O Little Flower, St. Gemma, O St.
Joseph and all my dear Saints, save me! O Heaven, O Heaven, I trust
Never, my Jesus, let me to be tired, never let my lips stop
repeating: I love You, Jesus, I am your victim.
men give me the sentence they want, no matter. You, Lord Jesus, give
me the grace to cope with their sentence in order to love Thee and
give Thee souls.
Jesus, I don’t see my past or the present, I only see the future: I
see my blood running among thorns; my pain moves in a tremendous and
dark night, and my life walks along with it, bathing itself in it.
my God, what torment; I cannot tell You what I feel: I suffer and
the pain disappears as I suffer. Nothing belongs to me and I'm dying
for pain, Jesus, and I thirst for more pain.
Jesus, only You understand me: I'm hungry, I am thirsty, I die, I
die, O Jesus!
Jesus, I look to one side, I look to the other, I see no one: I fear
and I tremble: what horror! The fight does not cease; through the
darkness I see my blood running and the pain almost dying as it
follows. Blood and pain, death and eternity.
Hear, O Jesus, hear, O Heavenly Mother: it is an agonizing pain, is
there no one have pity on my pain? Look, look, O Jesus, see I am
soaked in blood.
Jesus, Jesus, do not leave me without receiving You: let me lose
everything, everything, but the Eucharist; to lose everything, but
to have You!
I hear laughter outside, as of one who experiencing a great joy, I
do not want the same for myself, though I almost felt an urge to do
God, how life is so misunderstood! If it was not for the love of
Jesus, if it were not for souls, I would not be subject to the
judgments of men, and I needn’t obey them.
These thoughts went fast as lightning. And I felt pleased to be able
to replace all happiness for the love of Jesus. Jesus, Jesus is
worthy of everything. Souls, souls!
thought vibrated inside me and ignited an even stronger desire to
walk among thorns, bathed in blood, only in blood. It gave me a
clear understanding of what Jesus is and what the world is.
God, I get up here to fall over there. The struggle continues. I
miss my crucifixion on Fridays, but I have a horror of the
ecstasies. I fear Fridays, I fear first Saturdays, I fear any day or
hour, my Jesus, in which You deign to talk to me.
this not be perfect? Have pity, have pity. I fear my weakness, I
fear to waver, the suffering horrifies me, but I trust in You. My
will is Thine, only Thine, my Jesus.
am I doing here? Do not let me be a disgrace to souls. I preoccupied
myself so much when it is said that only certain things are needed
to pacify them.
Jesus, I hope in Thee, I trust in You. Calm my poor soul.
few hours passed; it was late at night, very late. Everything at
home was at rest, only my pain, my tremendous struggle continued.
Jesus came suddenly. He clasped me in flames of love.
— Give me your hand, my daughter. Didn’t I promise to raise you from
your weakness? Come into the arms of your Heavenly Mother, come and
was soon in the arms of the Heavenly Mother and, like a child, I
threw my arms around her neck. She pressed me gently and stroked me
covering my face with kisses. I do not know if I was crying or not,
but I felt that I was crying. She cleaned my tears with Her blessed
mantle and said to me:
not cry. Console your Jesus, and mine, with Me: He is so offended!
Come, take courage!
Jesus, who was by my side, said to me:
— Your pain, my daughter, your martyrdom grasps from the clutches of
Satan souls that he stole from Me with so much malice. Hell is
closed, and he is furious. Courage: the storm passes! Receive grace,
receive the love and light of the divine Holy Spirit.
on a very rich throne I saw the divine Holy Spirit as a dove,
pouring on me from above golden rays, like ribbons of various
colors, all filled with brightness. Everything was beautiful and
bright. I was stronger. Shortly after, I slept in sweet peace.