Alexandrina de Balasar
April 3, 1942
On Friday, at 11.30 hours
— "Don’t be afraid, my daughter, because you are no more crucified! The crucifixion you have is the most painful that can be imagined in history. I'll take you with Me to Heaven, you will go with Me straight and with your dear Mother.
Tell your dear Father: soon after your death I will give the peace as signal that I want the consecration of the world to my Blessed Mother so often through you pronounced, but before my wishes and my divine promise you will be fulfilled.
On Saturday in Hallelujah, after Communion, at 6 pm, Our Lord spoke to her thus:
— "Courage, my daughter; Jesus is with you and will be until the end. You have been faithful to receive my graces and my love! I will be faithful in their distribution and in distribution of my love in whole abundance. I love your dear Father, I love the doctor who with so much love accompanies you.
Courage! A little more! The battle will not be long. Your dear Heavenly Mother comes to meet you and to accompany you to the Paradise, and will come to meet your dear Father and Doctor and will accompany them to the Paradise. It is the price, it is the reward that I give to them".
Since Holy Friday I began to feel me dead in the Calvary in the middle of the greatest darkness and neglect.
Fell on me all the lions. You did not give the grave to my body; the night’s birds came and, despite the black darkness, they saw to eat my body. I always feel this suffering and now I feel these birds to bury the nozzle into my bones and to reduce everything to ashes.
The cross where I was thrust fell to the soil, but still I feel a part of my body stuck by nails. Now these birds still have much to eat in my body that does not have any life of the earth, only my heart feels a life that is not human, it is divine life; this divine life gives blood to it and I feel the whole humanity drinking this divine life as if they were the little birds. Now I feel that only as long as these nocturnal birds reduce my bones to ash I will reach to go away.
Now I never feel myself on the cross: it is ever the suffering that was said. This is no less painful.
I feel the lions to take up most of the meat but of the meat that is already rotten, filthy, and birds with their large beaks put them in the bones and drill them. You do not understand how much I suffered, nor do I know to explain.
They left my soul in the middle of the mountain surrendered to the greatest storm, black, pathetic, arid; they left me in the abandonment.
Fell on me all the lions! How sad is the ingratitude of the men! ...
On the day my dear Father came, the soul felt supported, but as soon as he went back, I felt myself like forgotten of him and of the Holy Mass of which I had been so homesick. Neither had they given him to me neither had they lent him to me: he came like escaped.
All this died with me in the Calvary, unless our Lord gives it me miraculously for my comfort, and this happens a few times a day.
From 13th to April 14th, during the night, I felt the presence of my guardian angel. He wanted to relieve me, getting up my body to soften it from so much pain.
From 14th to April 15th, the devil also came here. Those black shadows that I saw when I had the things of the devil this night went here below and above.
On 16th, today, I feel that the birds are already down, to the belly; above they had more to suck in the bones. Now I feel that the birds come to the trunk that is turned into ashes and they rake them to see if they still find something to eat. As they already found nothing, go to the belly to join the many others that are already there burying the nozzles to cover up their heads.
The fears I felt that at the crucifixion were transformed into homesickness. How much would be the suffering of Our Lord to be with his blessed Body on the Cross if I suffer so much to have mine flat in bed!
People said to her: "But our Lord was only three hours, and you're a long time ago!" And she replied: "Our Lord had it all so much in wound, and mine is not.
I felt so homesick for the crucifixion that I remembered that we appreciate only one thing after it is lost. If I had it now, I would hug it in an eternal hug, appearing to me that I would never turn off the arms from the cross and that I remained ever thus. I remembered: if it was now, how much I would love the passion and the torments of our Lord! I thought to order to get the clothes for the crucifixion to see, to kiss and to embrace them. When I see the mat on which happened the passion I said: - Let me kiss the mat!
And she kissed it.
In the night of 19th to April 20th, the Heavenly Mother came twice near me and once She caressed me.
To the question if She was beautiful, she said: "She was beautiful! Beautiful! Oh, how beautiful She was! How shall I do not want to go to Heaven to see Her forever?!..."
"How was She dressed? - "It was light, light, the brightest light, wearing mantles of colors."
I never thought there might be as many agonies in the soul. I feel that they were enough to get me out of life if Jesus didn’t support it.
It seemed to me that my dear Father was suffering a lot, and I am not wrong. Days after, I knew what happened. My suffering increased. This divine life that I feel supporting my heart is raising it to high, increasingly high, so that it receives the latest blows. It is hurt from everywhere. You bite me in every sense.
The birds have already eaten nearly all the womb, I feel them already in the kidneys. My body almost has no ash. You took me to the highest mountain and the wind spread the ash and it was in the greatest darkness that I heard a kind of a sound to gather all the birds, and they landed together in my body. Now they are already in the hips. I can say: my soul is sad until death, so sad it is that there is nothing in the world that can cheer it. The cross where I was crucified no more exists; I don’t feel even the feet trapped by the nails.
I feel the soul like a trapped body by hands and feet, but whole darkness and where doesn’t penetrates the littlest light and where cannot get penetrate the littlest edge to air. The sky and earth abandoned me, even my ashes are not respected. These are the sentiments of my soul.
Yesterday when receiving the order of my Prelate to be brought to Coimbra to be observed by Dr. Elísio de Moura, I remembered: how misunderstood is the suffering! I am sure that if they experienced what is happening in my body for a few moments, there will be nobody in the world who dared to bring my knowledge of such a thing.
With my eyes fixed in the Heaven, I reached to say: everything is for Jesus’ love. He is worth everything. The souls deserve everything, because they cost the Blood of Jesus.
The agony of my soul grows, it is deteriorating more and more. Only the Heaven can put an end to all this. May Our Lord accept everything and be with me, because only with Him you can win.
What bitterness, what bitterness not to have my dear father for my comfort and my light!
I asked Jesus with all the confidence for dying on the first Friday of May, so that I could pass the first Saturday in Heaven. Knowing all the suffering of my dear Father to justify his innocence, I offered to Jesus, if it was His divine pleasure, to give me more thirteen days of life and then to go to pass the day of Ascension in Heaven, suffering thus more this time so that Jesus satisfied my requests.
That same day, Our Lord said to me:
— "My daughter, say to your dear Father that trust fully on Me. My Divine Heart is all-powerful. I win and I triumph in him. I love him and he never offended me."
A little later, Jesus came back to tell me:
— "Tell Rev Father Frutuoso to say to your dear Father that I listen to everything that my little daughter asks and that he have always in his mind that I have power to move the Heaven and the earth."
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