BLESSED ALEXANDRINA’S WRITINGS
— 7 —
‘Sentiments of the Soul’
dictated by Beata Alexandrina on 21/6/46 clearly develop two
separate themes: here we will concentrate the second.
Christ in Alexandrina’, Fr Umberto used the third person when
writing about an event narrated in those ‘Sentiments’: "Fr Umberto
was distressed because some people considered Alexandrina’s
ecstasies, which started punctually at 3pm on Fridays, to be the
result of auto-suggestion. He wanted to defend her from such
accusations, so he tested her with a command beforehand”. The
command was that the Beata was to ask Jesus not to talk again to
her… She didn’t understand what had been imposed, but she wanted to
obey. Would it be wrong of her to make such a strange request of
Jesus? And she was to suggest that He was no longer to make her
relive the tragedy of Calvary…
was ordered to tell Jesus to go away, not to talk again to me. I did
not understand well, I did not know if this was to be all the time
or only on Fridays. The order gave rise to doubt and more
sufferings. I obeyed promptly, but if I had wanted, and it was up to
me, I would not have because I did not have here was not much time
to talk with Jesus; then I would never have had any at all. I asked
Him on Wednesday and asked Him yesterday, the day of the God’s Body
and Blood, more than once:
My Jesus, I have been ordered to tell You to go away and not to talk
to me again; I do not know if it is only on Fridays or forever. But
You, who know everything, know what I was told to do. Obey, my
Jesus, obey: I am always your victim.
However hard I tried to suppress and forget the feelings of
Gethsemane, I was not able. I was like a twig, a green stick that
could be twisted from one side to the other; it was the sufferings
of the agony of the soul that did it. In other moments, my heart was
stabbed with such violence that there was barely time to remove the
dagger before it was plunged into my soul again. And my soul cried
so abundantly, as if it had eyes. I felt that my heart was like the
world, but harder than rock. My soul cried and called unceasingly to
the Father. This shouting and these tears continued today on the way
to Calvary. And what torment was mine! I would expel all the
feelings from my soul, I wished not to think of the cross nor of
Calvary, and the effort that this took was such that it seemed that
I was walking to distant lands.
Jesus, I do not want these feelings; see if You remember what I was
ordered to tell You.
The more I tried to disguise and forget, the more alive were the
feelings. And in the depths of my heart an aching voice said to me:
— There is no pain equal to my pain.
And still I felt myself ruthlessly dragged by strong ropes to a
great distance while my face was being battered against the stones.
And so the cry of my soul was more painful. If on the one hand I
felt relief, reminding myself that Jesus wouldn’t speak to me again,
I was nonetheless tortured by the fear that He would still come.
My God, if I could flee from Jesus and hide myself from Him! But,
oh, what sad agony! New sentiments of soul: the sacred head of Jesus
rested on my chest, as if it were the cross; from His hair ran
abundant drops of blood: it was a bloodbath for the earth. I heard
Jesus calling me; I felt Him confining me. I tried to escape and
made myself deaf to His divine voice. He knocked and knocked at my
heart and called:
— My daughter, come here, come here, I am your Jesus.
— Jesus, Jesus, I won’t come. Go away, leave me in peace. Remember
what I said to You. I want to obey. See how much I suffer, see the
agony and pain of my heart.
Then a strong remorse took me by telling Jesus to leave me in peace.
The dove of my heart that from time to time makes itself felt,
extended its wings fully to cover my heart, and still remained, and
capturing me with the many golden lassos which hang from it; it
pulled me to Jesus, because I had been running from Him like a
— My daughter, my daughter, come here, listen to what I say to you.
Your pain is used to save souls. It is the divine Holy Spirit that
binds you to Me with its ray of love, and with the same love for you
it attracts Me. Fill yourself with its fire and divine love so that
you may pass it on to souls.
Listen, my daughter: you have already obeyed. Your obedience made
you grow much, much more in virtue and it increased more, much more
I also obey, but I don’t obey now. In my infinite wisdom, I see that
I should not obey now. I will obey, I will stop talking to you, as I
promised you, but when it happens, I will prepare you. What I am
going to do will reduce the time of my colloquies.
My heart burnt within me as if it harboured flames of living fire,
but in my boldness for Jesus I was not quiet.
Forgive me, Jesus, are You sad because I said that You left me in
peace? I wasn’t thinking of what I said; forgive me, forgive me!
Jesus smiled lovingly and, bringing me closer to Him, said:
— It cheered Me, instead of saddening Me; your simplicity consoled
Me, my daughter, angel of purity, angel of light, light that lights
the world and illuminates it for Heaven. Suffer for souls, console
my divine heart, give Me to them. Do not think that my ceasing to
talk to you will reduce your suffering. Oh, no: your crucifixion
continues until the last moment of your life.
— Yes, my Jesus, whatever You will, provided that You are with me.
Tell me, my love, I do not know whether or not I should write what
You tell me. If I do so will I be disobeying the order they gave me?
O my Jesus, dear me, if I must flee from You, I will just have to
Jesus smiled again and said to me:
— You can not escape Me, only sin can separate Me from you, only sin
can expel Me from your heart.
Go and dictate everything. I want nothing to be hidden, much less
this. It is of great benefit for souls and glory for my divine
I see everything. Do you know why I come on Fridays, at this time,
to speak to you, the time at which I gave My Spirit to My Father? To
renew my divine Passion in you and for you to remember it. And just
as I opened heaven to souls, so you will lead them by the same path
The Calvary, the agony, is not of three hours, not of a few days,
but of many years. Suffer gladly, go in peace, be quiet: you didn’t
disobey, it was Me that called you; it was the Holy Spirit that
Thank you, my Jesus. Don’t fail me; make me faithful to You until