FEBRUARY 16

How much I suffer, my Jesus! Be my strength! Only you know the sacrifice I make to dictate what happens in my soul. This effort seems to rip away all I have within me; to rip all souls away from the devil. I make a sacrifice of not being able to dictate, and in turn reveal the secrets of my soul. I much prefer to suffer alone, in silence, hiding my grief as much as possible!

O my Jesus, how much suppressed pain, how many tears hidden! Forgive me my fault today when I exclaimed:

O my Jesus, why don’t the Fridays finish?! If only I could run away and hide myself, so that they didn’t pass near me!

Give me your goodness, Lord, your love, my Jesus!

Early in the morning, I felt my heart so mistreated! The pain, the humiliations pressured me, I no longer had blood to give to my body.

I felt that on the way of my Calvary, I met my heavenly Mother: She looked at me. I looked at Her. Our hearts were united in the same pain. Our eyes didn’t linger on one another; I had to walk ahead, abused, pushed, dragged. But the pain of our hearts didn’t separate. It was like two electric wires that connect with one another.

Almost as soon as I came to Calvary, I was nailed to the cross. What a time of agony! Blood flowed, every moment the wounds grew larger. The Heavenly Mother's tears flowed in my heart. She was a beacon for me and I was another for her, lighthouses that gave each other light to reveal all our sufferings.

Still I did not expire, I felt that people tore my heart. This pain was anticipated, because, after dying, I could not feel it. When I felt the heart thus, I looked at the world and said to it:

It is because of you that I am so!

Then my Jesus came. I felt his entry in my heart. He sat down and leaned towards me and told me:

- My daughter, crazy with love for  souls, crazy with love for Me: you're crazy for souls just as I am. That is why I have made your Calvary like mine.

Your life is the life of Christ: Christ lives transformed in you.

You climb the Calvary, because I cannot climb it now. You take the cross, because I cannot take it either. You're the lamb sacrificed and immolated, you give your life in the greatest agonies, because now I cannot suffer in such a way. It is in my stead that you suffer, it is with Me that you bear the cross, it is with Me that you will die on it.

For a long time, I saw Jesus with the cross on his shoulders. I didn’t feel Him, I saw Him. But I was Jesus and I was the cross. What a great cross! And Jesus so bent beneath it; His holy face almost reaching the ground.

- My daughter, the sins of the world require this of me, my love for souls requires this of me. It is the crimes, it is love that causes me to walk with my face on almost on the ground.

Suffer, my dear love, suffer as I suffer, you are a victim chosen by Me.

My daughter, font of salvation, font for all mankind, you are spring that doesn’t dry, the water that quenches the world: everybody can drink from you, everybody can be purified in this water.

My daughter, tongue of praise. Through your holy tongue the whole earth will praise Me until the end of the world just as now, in heaven, the angels and saints praise Me seeing your suffering and the glory that you give Me.

My daughter, heart of love’s fire, fire which will be spread and burn up thousands and thousands of hearts!

My daughter, body of purity, angelic purity, ever assaulted and ever stored in the middle of the most acute and penetrating thorns: your chaste body, adorned with all the most rich and precious virtues, extends its lily petals with all its purity and perfume. The lilies grow tender and lush, they open their petals and, with the breeze that passes, spread their perfume all about to thrive in a sweet meadow. Provide shade for the world I have entrusted to you. Blessed are all those who are in its shadow, who are placed in your shelter.

Are you astonished at your life, astonished at the wonders I work in you. There is no one equal because there is no one whose sufferings are equal to yours.

You want to come to Heaven. Courage, it will be soon! So many will see you leaving with love and longing, and many will be remorseful at having been the cause of your martyrdom, at having served as a hindrance to my divine plan, for trying to hide from the world my wonders in you!

They creep along the ground, they do not look to the heights; they do not understand or try to understand my divine life, though I place a guide to light their ways. They close their eyes, leave the guides, and follow wrong paths. What pain for my Divine Heart and what an evil for souls!

I give all the graces they need, I give all the medicine to save them, yet everything is despised, they do not look at my pain nor at my divine will.

- My Jesus, do not be sad, give me Your sadness, give me all the pain of your Divine Heart! I cannot consent to your suffering. I know the folly of your love for souls; here you have me ready to suffer for them, to give my life for them.

Does this console you, my Jesus? Let men hurt my heart so that I will be able to save more souls. But you must not let them injure you.

- No, no, my daughter, no, no, my dear, I cannot let this blindness be prolonged. The light will shine, my divine cause will triumph, resounding and brilliant. It is necessary, it is urgent, that souls know my wonders and learn from you to love my Divine Heart, to love all that is mine, to love pain and the crosses that I give them.

Daughter, daughter, pain and love without equal, rest in my heart as I rest in yours. The King rests on his throne, which is in the palace of his Alexandrina; the queen rests on the throne of her King, which is in the palace of her Jesus.

Jesus opened His Divine Heart to me, I went in and rested in it. My Jesus covered me with kisses and caresses and squeezed me so hard and with so much love I seemed to lose myself in that love, to die in that love.

Alas, how great my fortune to die with love and within the heart of my beloved Jesus! How will it be, the death that gives me eternal life?

O my Jesus, grant that it be of love, only of love!