I still feel in my soul
a strong and great betrayal; a black, cruel betrayal.
Will there be pitfalls
prepared for me, my Jesus, or will the treachery be that which
was prepared for You, and for all that You suffered for the love
of Your children? O my God, help me, have pity on me, I can
hardly breathe with my pain! Will it be today, because today is
It will be a betrayal
that brings death. I feel the martyrdom that awaits me, I feel
that the cry of those who have pity on my pain is muffled by
those who are contrary and rebellious against me.
Behold the handmaid of
the Lord! Yes, Jesus, I am Your slave.
If I could pass from the
hell of today to tomorrow, not to escape the pain, for but the
conversations I have with Thee...
Forgive me, for who You
are, Jesus. Forgive me for the pain of the beloved Mother. I'm
so afraid of this life, this life which I feel is not mine!
Time passes, and
eternity comes without my having taken a step towards heaven,
without increasing in Your divine love!
Jesus, Jesus, the day
didn’t dawn, I plunged myself into darkness forever, forever.
Comes a thorn, comes
other thorn, I accept everything, I suffer in order to give You
comfort, and give souls comfort, and I am always the same;
always the same coldness, always the same misery, always the
It is pain that
destroys the heart. I, without making known what I feel, offer
my sacrifice to Jesus whispering quietly:
Buy souls with it,
Jesus, buy souls with it.
Could this my pain be
used for them?
Behold, Jesus it is only
by pain that your divine love can conquer.
Oh my Jesus, I'm so
ashamed before You! My misery is so great! I want to live in
Your divine presence and I cannot. I'm ashamed, afraid, afraid
of the creatures that are dearer to me, whom I love more. I'm
afraid of all, and from all I live separated.
It is the war of the
devil. O torment, O terrifying torment. What infernal rage! If
it were possible for him to take away my life, how many would he
have taken, if I possessed more than one. This morning he told
— You want to write and
you have nothing to say. When you do this, you start to write
about me so that you have something to say.
A thousand demons in a
single sin with you. Give yourself to me as you give yourself to
God, kiss me with love as you kiss the crucifix.
Look, I don’t act like
Him; I don’t give you suffering. It’s clear that God doesn’t
have a heaven to give to you.
Enjoy, enjoy the
pleasures of the world with me!
And he doesn’t let me
cry to heaven. He puts himself between me and Jesus, and dances
in front of me so that Jesus won’t hear me. He gives me his
criminal orders and, when I do not obey promptly, he rears up
and I feel like he has torn me to pieces and trampled on all the
parts. My body seems to be crushed by him.
These are only
illusions, because he does not get near enough to touch me. The
heart palpitations do not correspond to each other, the blows
make a great noise.
After the fights, I
sometimes feel that a breeze blows that lift me up and put me
back where I was. Tonight it was not so; I was sprawled beside
the pillows and unable to rise or even move myself. I could no
be in the position I had been. I was very sad and could only
Help me, help me, Jesus.
I felt Him at my side.
— My daughter, beloved
spouse, the lover of Love, spouse that doesn’t know nor want
another love, another beloved. My divine breath is enough to
lift you to heights, to transport you to your place.
I felt the breath of
Jesus and, at the same instant, I was on my pillow. Jesus
— Say, my daughter, what
do you want from Me?
— Your Love.
— What do you want me to
— Thy divine will.
Jesus drew me sweetly to
His Divine Heart and added:
— My will is that you
have courage in the suffering that I ask of you, and that you
make reparation this way.
reparation, my pure virgin, my virgin crazy with love for me.
Shortly after, I fell
into a short and light sleep. I saw St Joseph, I saw the
Heavenly Mother with a baby in her arms clinging to her holy
neck. She smiled joyfully at me. Behind her, and a little above
was a very rich picture full of light. It contained two people
in the middle and, above, a white dove. On the sides, were some
little heads that looked to me to be angels. With this vision it
seemed to me that I was not living on earth. O what will be like
in heaven always, always seeing God!