My soul waits for further trials, my heart for new attacks coming to
wound it. I am full of fear. What is awaiting me! What more is to
come, my Jesus? I am tired of so much suffering. The body is faint,
but the will is ready; it sighs and wants nothing but Your divine
Yesterday I began to feel, and today I feel even more, what seems an
almost unbearable craving to save the world.
great is the madness and love I feel for souls that I want to give
all of myself for them. I want to sacrifice all and willingly let
myself to be immolated to save them. I would like to have a dagger
in my hand and to open so deep a wound in my heart with it as to
give me enough blood to write all over the earth: “Repent, sinners,
don’t offend Jesus anymore! Heaven is so beautiful! And He created
it for you to go there”.
I wanted to go on my knees, or on crutches, to every corner of the
world to leave these words, written by me and with my blood,
prominently displayed. Not an inch of earth would be left without
these letters: “Repent, repent, sinners”.
I do not know what else can I do, my Jesus, for Thee and for souls.
During the night I was assaulted by the tricks of the demon. I heard
his desperate whistling, howling and gnashing of teeth. Then after
that his gestures and ugly, malicious words. Great barriers, endless
abysses opened up beside, and even under me. In the ugly pit were
great snakes and huge crocodiles tormenting and terrorizing many
beings therein which I took to be lost souls. Though I was exhausted
by the struggle and thought that I would fall into the abyss, I was
not able to call on Jesus. And the evil one told me:
- Call on me, tell me that you it is me that you want, that you do
not want God, that you want to sin, that you want pleasure.
And he tried to instruct me in his ugly lessons. At the awful climax
at the end of the battle, I was able to appeal to Heaven, to call
for Jesus. He was already crying; I told Him “What is it, my
Jesus?”, while the evil one who had taken the form of a lion said to
- You have sinned! Sinned!
Other things that happened which I need to speak about, but only in
confession and at great cost.
My pain and tears seemed to me to be lasting, but they were not. In
the same place where the abyss was, I saw a beautiful garden full of
flowers. Lilies, white ones, and
other varieties. How lovely, how charming! They emitted rays, many
rays more brilliant than gold. I contemplated everything without
knowing its meaning. At the same time Jesus told me:
- The flowers of this beautiful garden are your heroic virtues.
Their petals are tender, thin, delicate, their scent is appealing.
The rays are rays of my divine love.
Do not cry, dear, your purity is not tarnished in your fights with
the devil. You become more pure, more enchanting. It is the
reparation that I demand of you. If this reparation had not been
made many souls would have fallen into the abyss where you saw so
many souls just now, and they would stay there forever.
By failing to listen to Jesus, I saw the devil in the shape of a
lion, the teeth bared, he was far off, but he attempted to devour
and insult me at the same time. I didn’t cry and was at peace, that
peace that only comes from Jesus. With his divine power, I didn’t
fear the devil this time. Moved by compassion for souls who could
fall into such tremendous depths, I accepted and suffered all that
Jesus wanted. My tears were tears of pain, fearful that I might have
sinned. After listening to Jesus, I rested, and I was at peace,
thirsting for his love, eager to give Him souls. I do not want to be
on earth except to love the One who is not loved and to save souls.
My body and my spirit are burning on a living grid, I do not know
how to speak of my pain, the pain I feel without knowing what it,
nor to whom it belongs. What consuming fire! It seems me that the
pain will drive me crazy. I hear great noises in the distance, they
remind me of an earthquake when it is heard without being felt. But
my soul hears and feels. It was the storm that came and left so much
damage that it will be long be remembered and spoken of. Far away,
far away, there are comments, my name is spoken, filthy, like a leaf
that rots in the mud that covers it. I am ashamed, my soul feels
everything and collapses in pain.
— O my Jesus, I want these stains, this mud that drops on my name to
wash the souls of sinners so that their sins by which they have
offended Thee might disappear from them and they might be saved. I
want the innocent to suffer and not the guilty, Jesus.
O Jesus, what is my life! I am ashamed of myself before men, I am
ashamed of myself before You. By Your grace, I am the innocent
victim of men, by my guilt and misery, of Thee, my Jesus, I am a
guilty victim. I must suffer, I want to suffer because they offend
Thee. Forgive me, forgive me, Jesus, save me, save me, only in You
can I hope, only in you can I trust. I see now that I can get
nothing from men. They steal everything from me, all human relief
disappears like smoke, it goes its own way.
The world’s war and hell’s war overtook me. The devil appeared to me
in the form of a big dog. I remembered dogs that pounce to bite
without warning. He wanted to bite me, or rather, to devour me. Even
when he isn’t attacking me violently, he is still tormenting me:
— You sin when you want. Today you have not sinned, nor do you sin
now because you are tired.
Last night he came in force accompanied by many demons in the form
of black skeletons. They set up benches and black beds in front of
me. "They are benches and beds of delights," he said, while others,
with them, entertained themselves. He told me very ugly things and
it seemed to me that he forced me to repeat them.
— Don’t call on God…
And it seems to me that often I did not call, that I obeyed his
orders. Again I returned to go through what I shall not say here.
During the moments of greatest trance I know that I was like one
dying, repeating many times in my mind: "Oh my God, my God, my God!"
Beneath me were that frightful chasm that I have already spoken of;
and I was suspended without being secured to anything, fearing the
moment when I would fall into it. At the voice of Jesus, the demons
fled and the abyss disappeared. Jesus changed my position and told
— My daughter, on these cliffs are the souls; what prevents them
from falling forever is your never before felt, never tried or seen
before, reparation. Pain, immolation without equal. Tell me, my
daughter, my dear little dove, tell me, confide in me: do you
believe that you don’t offend Me?
— Oh, my Jesus, my Jesus, I believe, and believe, but it costs so
much to convince me that I don’t sin, that I do not offend Thee in
the midst of such great danger!
— Be content, be content, my angel, you give Me nothing but
consolation, reparation and proof of the strength of your love for
my Divine Heart.
I stayed for some time united to Jesus, full of pampering as the
child next to his mother, sore only from the pain I had felt.
Now a new torment for my soul, a torment that makes me suffer and
allows me no peace. I want to hide inside a safe, a safe that no one
knows about, or can open. I want to hold my chest in an embrace that
no one could undo. I want to store I don’t know what, that was
entrusted to me and I which have to watch and conceal. I don’t know,
my God, how to guard it, guard it well, to guard everything. I flee,
Jesus, I flee to Thy Divine Heart: be the blessed safe that keeps me
locked inside forever with this entrustment, that I must take such
great care of. There I am well, there I am safe, I do not run into
danger there, nor do I have to remain vigilant. Keep me, yes? Keep
It's Thursday, and already night. Great torment! O
my God, every approaching Friday is death for me. I feel
as though I am in joyful company talking to those who talk and
smiling with those who smile. And then my soul in great agony leaves
the earth, ascends to heaven only to exclaim “My God, my God, what
awaits me!” Though this joyous encounter continues, beyond it the
heart is crushed, beaten, mocked and scorned. Everyone smiles in
derision, waiting for new developments. Jesus, I am Your victim and