January 12, Friday
What pain is mine, oh my God! If it was not from You, who could
countenance it? – the horror of the sufferings and the ecstasies
on Fridays, the horror of the attacks of the devil!
I've had moments when it seemed to me that I was going to say
‘no’ to Jesus in everything.
I felt alone in prison, hands tied, eyes shut in deepest sorrow,
lips closed, not answering anything. I felt my body broken by
beatings and my body trampled underfoot. When feel like this, I
remind myself of the suffering of Jesus who has allowed my
crucifixion. I also felt my blood flowing from my heart as they
trampled it underfoot. I felt movements of tender compassion in
my soul for those who made me suffer. This was caused by my
great horror of hell and the eternal loss of souls so that,
instead of rejecting them, I wanted them, I loved them so as to
save their souls. I saw that only pain could achieve this. The
devil came to accompany these terrible sufferings. I fought with
him, bathed in sweat. When he tried to instruct me in sin, he
asked for my heart and my love, at least when I sinned with him
and with others he recommended.
Horror, horror, horror! Moments of such danger.
I raised my eyes to Heaven to ask for help and the battle
ceased. But it seems to me that if all Heaven came at that
moment to tell me I had not sinned, I would hardly have believed
My Jesus, to be so often in a blazing fire and not be burned!
I could not breathe. The pain almost demented me. I kept my eyes
steadfastly on Heaven telling Jesus that I did not want to sin.
All the while my body remained on the cross, while I muttered:
Jesus, I am Your victim. But if my pain increases, with the
horror and the fear, I’ll not win. I cannot resist so much. You
Yourself will have to suffer and endure for me, my Jesus; you
well know that I can do nothing by myself. Jesus came and spoke
to me so sweetly:
— My daughter, solitary flower, gift to humanity, saving pain,
love which conquers everything ... My daughter, garden of
paradise, I have planted in you; to you the world comes to
gather flowers of virtue, flowers of love. My daughter, hidden
treasure, in you are enclosed the divine riches.
The treasure is hidden, because almost everyone ignores what I
placed in you. My daughter, white dove, angelical dove, your
life is a song of praise to Jesus, to the whole Divine Trinity
and to my Blessed Mother.
I come to you, I am in you, from this palace I cannot go away.
The King does not leave his queen. You are a safe haven, are
port of salvation, you are the shelter of sinners, the salvation
of mankind. The war is terrifying? Fear not. The King with his
queen, the queen with her powerful King, conquers all. The
soldiers are steady, they fight for their King, they obey his
— O my Jesus, I am so small, how can you find me? I'm just
misery, how can you fix your divine eyes on me? I'm ashamed, I
cannot find you with mine. Have mercy on me. I'm a flower, I'm a
garden, I'm all You say, because You sow, You cultivate; You are
the gardener, You are the flower, You are everything,
everything, everything, my Jesus.
You are the door of salvation, because You are that salvation.
Realize and see my pain, have compassion for it. I want to love
You and I cannot, I want to suffer for the world and I cannot
suffer. I fear my dismay, I am afraid to fall in case I cannot
stand up again.
— Fear not, beautiful flower, adornment of my divine Heart, fear
not, because you are not alone, the angels accompany you day and
night, they stand sentinel at the palace of my queen.
St. Joseph came and visited you. Did you see him with my Blessed
Mother? The little child She had in her arms, with its arms
around her neck, that was you, my daughter. You are the child of
Jesus, you are also the child of Mary. With Her you will save
the world which was entrusted to you, the world which has to be
saved. I gave it to you, it’s yours, fear not, it has not been
taken from you.
Did you see the panel that was behind and above my Blessed
Mother and St. Joseph? It was the Divine Trinity, the Trinity
who loves you, the Trinity who consoles Itself in you. It is
Heaven looking to you, it is Heaven giving you life, the life by
which you live, and for which you live. It is your Heaven and
the Heaven of many souls whom you will save, souls that without
your suffering would not be saved otherwise. They will enjoy Me,
they will enjoy Heaven. They owe it to you, to your immolation,
to your sacrifice, O my dear redemptrix.
Receive my love, O my love, give it, distribute it with generous
abundance to all mankind. Soon will be known, all your pain,
your matchless love will be made known.
— Thank you, Jesus. May the whole world be saved, may the whole
world love You with unstinting and passionate love: these are my
desires, my cravings. It is this and only this that is the cause
of my suffering. I have so many yearnings and longings for
Heaven! I want to fly there, and if I cannot get inside, I want
to at least to tear the heart from my breast and place it in
Paradise and say: Jesus, Heavenly Mother, here you have my
heart, in it is the world, keep it, because it is Yours; I go to
the earth to suffer and love, for as long as the world is world.
O, if I could do that! If I could offer this consolation to
Jesus! Handing Him the whole world, all saved!
O my Jesus, do not let more souls go to hell: they are Yours,
they are Your Blood, do not let them be lost.
Some days ago I began to have an inexplicable suffering (though
I say something, I don’t say anything) for the children who have
died without baptism and are in limbo. I cannot think that they
pass through eternity without seeing the Lord, without enjoying
Him, and at the same time I do not know if I feel the pity or
the longing that the Lord has for little children. With my eyes
on my crucifix, I came to tell Jesus to let me go to limbo to
baptize them. If there was lack of water, I would open my chest
and pour blood from my heart into a vessel. After christening
all of them, I would leave the rest of the blood. The small
children would go to Heaven, I would return to the earth, and
remain as long as the world was he world, so that occasionally I
could go there to baptize them.