Early, before daybreak, I awoke from a short sleep. Oh my God it's
Friday! A dark night descended on me. Jesus, every passing moment I
seem to walk towards death, not as one who walks out with love and
joy, but as anyone who holds death in the highest horror and
repugnance. Buried in this pain, it's time to receive my Jesus. I
present him my petitions. Making them, I remind Him of some things.
— I trust, I trust, my Jesus! Not to trust would mean believing in
I said this to let off steam and at the same time show my confidence
in Jesus. I did not expect a response from Him. But He gave me one.
— All right, my daughter, it is exactly like that. Trust, they are
words of a God, they are the words of your spouse Jesus who loves
you and does not allow, does not condone that you be mistaken.
I received more courage, I gained more strength to endure pain and
cope with the aggravations, needlings and taunts I received. I had
to suffer everything in silence, my lips clenched. I felt the pain
of someone who cried to see how much I suffered; that was a mother's
love. In silence I joined my pain to that pain. Jesus came with His
sweet and tender voice and told me:
— My daughter, unite your pain with mine, knead it into the love of
my Divine Heart. I knead mine into yours. Love Me, you are loved by
Me, you are safe full of riches, a repository of divine gifts.
My daughter, dear angel, your pain went to adorn the mantel and
crown your Blessed Mother gave you. What light, what brilliance it
was given! It is the pain of glory, it is the pain of salvation. It
is the sea of martyrdom, the sea of immolation.
My daughter, heavenly garden of divine flowers, sweet meadow that
grazes sinners, feed them with grace, purity and love. Keep them,
guide them, divine shepherdess, shepherdess chosen by Jesus. Purify
them, purify them for Me, guide them, drive them towards to my
My daughter, mistress of the divine sciences, hold what was
deposited in your heart by Me and My Blessed Mother eight days ago:
it is the world, they are sinners. It is infinite value, it is my
divine Blood. They are souls saved by your pain. This desire of
wanting to guard, and not knowing how to, is torment that will
consume you until your death, it will increase day by day.
My daughter, in whom is written all that is divine: in you they will
learn to love, in you they will learn to suffer, in you they will
learn to know how I communicate with souls. They do not know, they
do not study what is written. This negligence of theirs causes so
much hurt to my Divine Heart!
Have courage! Who suffers with me wins. How many tears of regret
they will cry seeing that your name, now so disdained, is with Me
and my blessed Mother on earth and will be glorified in heaven!
Come, my blessed Mother, come to comfort my, and your daughter, come
and cover her with your caresses.
The Heavenly Mother came soon, took me to her bosom, hugged me with
tenderness of love, kissed me, caressed me and told me:
— My daughter, queen chosen by Me and my divine Son, you will be in
heaven on a throne by my side, and the side, of my Divine Son, as
queen. I as Queen of Heaven and you as queen of earth.
— My Mother - Jesus said - feed her, give her your life, the life of
the soul which she always lived, and the life of the body which she
The Heavenly Mother began to breathe on me with her most holy lips
joined to mine. I felt strong in soul and body. Jesus did the same,
he breathed on me and caressed me. Then He continued:
— My daughter, with my Blessed Mother I am giving you that comfort
that you should receive from men. When years ago I said I would be
your director, I was referring to these times; it was not separate
you from your director (Padre Pinho). Yes, I needed him in union
with Me to guide you ant take you to the heights that divine my love
requires. I already saw the cruelty and persecution of men.
Courage! Your name that you feel has been disparaged, soon will be
talked of with respect, and
praised along with mine.
— Thanks for ever, my Jesus. The more things You tell me the more
miserable and wretched I feel before You.
Thy way, Mother of Jesus,
Gives me comfort to carry the Cross.
To carry the Cross in this bitterness,
Amid the darkness, in so much dryness.
O Mother of Jesus, give me your love,
To love your and my Lord with it!
Save me, Jesus; I cannot expect help from earth. I feel abandoned by
all, as if everyone was revolting against me. Poor me, without You
for just one moment! Always, always the rumblings of a storm,
always, always an almost unbearable pain, an endless pain. I cannot
be here, my Jesus, the longing for heaven fills me. I cannot see or
feel the distance that separates me from You. A fire, at times
unbearable, burns my heart, and comes to my mouth and seems to burn
my lips. It is useless to drink water. I refresh my lips with it for
a short while, then throw it away. It is fire, fire, always fire.
And I feel that I do not love You and that I do not know love. Poor
me, I cannot live.
I'm tired of making so much effort to save what Jesus and my
heavenly Mother give me. I feel as if I am always with arms crossed
over my chest to defend myself with all my strength, to guard
myself. At other times I flee crazy from a grand attack! They come,
I do not know who, a countless crowd, They want to steal what I have
in my heart and I flee like a crazy woman to hide everything. I want
to wrap chains around me, heavy chains, whole prisons, thick prisons
so that nothing can be stolen from me. Hard torment for my soul,
during which I can do nothing!
In the hours I suffered thus, I had a terrible assault of the devil.
Then I felt as if he stole everything from me; I had no heart left,
no chest, nothing. I was a simple egg shell that has nothing within.
I felt that what was stolen was carried far away! I was forced to
— I do not want to keep anything inside me, I want to sin, I want to
I was told that I sinned with many demons, with certain people and
he named them, saying things about them and me, the ugliest things.
He was desperate. He railed against Jesus and accused Him of sins, I
shuddered with fear when I heard what he said against Jesus.
Occasionally I managed to seek heaven’s help. I was bathed in sweat,
and in such a fatigue that I cannot explain. Always I said, without
wanting to say it: My Jesus, I cannot do more. The attack ceased and
I was unable to move. I was very sad because I saw myself without
that immense treasure that I had within me, and also with the fear
of having sinned, I murmured quietly:
My God, my God, no light, no guide for me, without a priest to whom
I can confide all. O Heaven, O Heaven, O Jesus, O Mother!
The pits had disappeared, but my ears still heard in the distance
the sounds of the devil. I felt his anger. In this bitterness, and
position of violence, a good while passed. If Jesus doesn’t help me,
who can save me? O my God, it is for your love, and for souls. Then
I heard Jesus:
- You didn’t sin, my daughter, you didn’t sin, trust, you have given
me the greatest consolation, you have given me all the reparation
you could possibly have given.
Look, daughter, your guardian angel, who looks after you, now
receives the task of caring for you by changing your position when
these battles make it necessary. Be cheerful, I'm with you!
I was in the usual position. And after a while, I began to feel that
I still had that rich treasure that the devil had made me forget. My
soul felt so much joy seeing the wealth that I possessed! And I
wished to embrace the rich treasure, I wanted to kiss it. I felt the
joy of a mother who, having lost her son, found him again.
I cannot tell the joy of my soul. I cannot tell the concern that
this gives me, I'm always afraid that someone might rob me. I want
to do everything, I want to suffer everything so that there is no
Yesterday, without thinking, said something that Jesus seemed to
dislike. I was very sad. I humbled myself before the Lord, I was
— Forgive, my Jesus. What am I without You?
This pain stayed with me the rest of the day and most of the night.
At dawn, when doing my preparation for the coming of Jesus, I could
not withstand the pain. I cried and cried. What great pain I felt
for having hurt the Divine Heart of Jesus. I wanted a priest with
holy absolution to cleanse my soul.
You Purify me, Jesus, You cleanse me. Oh, the pain I suffer for
having seen You hated. I am alone with no comfort from the earth. I
do not blame You. Forgive me, forgive me! I accept the pain I suffer
for those who displease You, and for all who sin seriously without
This pain continued throughout the day and I kept careful watch over
my heart. I have an intense craving to have whole worlds, thousands
of them, crying out: Love, love Jesus!
My God, I do not know if I’ll win, I do not know if I can endure so
much suffering. I want to see You loved by everyone and not
offended. I cannot bear to see You suffer.
O sin, sad sin, that so hurts Jesus! O Love, O my love, what kind of
caresses have You got in store for me? I wait for them, I see them.
I'm afraid. If they hurt me a lot, I love You. The greater the pain,
with Thy grace, the greater my love. O
Heaven, save me, help me!