Alexandrina de Balasar

SENTIMENTS OF THE SOUL
1944

December 1 – Friday

During the night I was assaulted by the wiles of the devil. He tormented me much; he terrorized me. His language was disgraceful, as were his actions and suggestions. I struggled, struggled against his deceits. He told me bluntly that I had sinned. And during the fight I said to Jesus:

How can I be in so great a fire without being burned? I do not want to sin, my Jesus.
Again I wanted to expel the demon, but I was not able; I could not say a word. He was raving, his fury was intense; I did not know how to free myself from him. Jesus did not come, or rather I neither felt nor saw Him. But I do know that he, the demon, suddenly retired while I was saying: Jesus, to sin, no!

This dying cry so penetrated my heart and echoed in my ears that have now gone almost 24 hours and can still hear in my ears and feel in my heart the strain that it caused me. Each moment I can hear this anguished voice: Jesus, to sin, no!

I was desolate, in a deep sorrow, thinking that I had offended my Jesus. And I spent all day today in this bitterness. And along with it was the Friday suffering. O my God, I could not remember if I had offended or not: how afraid I was!

Came the dawn. I was in prison, sad, tired, full of fear and shame. Later, with my hands clasped and my head seeming to bleed with the pain and wounds of the thorns, it seemed to me that I was taken off climb the streets. A large crowd of onlookers watched me, some with pity, others with disdain. I heard the rumble of the people, an overpowering noise. I felt alone. I looked at the crucified Jesus, I thought I was embracing to the Cross and said:

My Jesus, what does it matter if they all abandon me, if you stand by me. If I possess You and You are with me, I am not alone.

Already in the afternoon I felt myself on the Cross, the soul nailed with the body, both in the same pain and agony. The soul raised eyes to Heaven and saw nothing except pain and death. It could say nothing to Jesus. Then he came, and was full of love.
- Come to me, my daughter, crazed with pain and love. It is pain that saves souls, it is the intensity of love for me. If the world knew this life of love, the oneness of Jesus with the virgin soul, with the soul who He chooses for his spouse! But it does not know and because it does not know, it slanders it, despise it, hounds it down.

O my beautiful dove, you are mother and spouse, a mother who does not cease to be a virgin; you are the mother of sinners: they are sons of your pain, children of your blood which you shed drop by drop, children of your love.

My daughter, in Heaven you will often hear many sinners calling you from earth, addressing you by the sweet name of mother. Those that you free from the clutches of the devil will praise you and know they were freed by you, and given leave to approach my Divine Heart.

Enormous love, blissful pain that led you to merit from Jesus such high and honorable titles!

My Jesus, my Jesus, I am ashamed and confused! If I could hide all this! It is only for yourself and for me! It baffles me to hear this and see my misery!

- You know already that I need your misery in which to hide my greatness and omnipotence.

Write everything, write, my daughter. If what say you stayed hidden, it would be of no value to the world.

Mother of sinners, new redemptrix, save them, save them!

You are the new redemptrix chosen by Christ. There has never been nor will again be in the world suffering like yours. There has never been nor will be again a victim immolated in this way, because there was never such a need as now, the world has never sinned to this extent.

Nineteenth centuries have passed since I came to the world and now I have brought the new redemptrix, chosen by Me to remind the world what Christ suffered, what pain is, what love is and His desire for souls.

You're the new redemptrix come save them, you're the new redemptrix who fires the love of Jesus in humankind, the new redemptrix who will be spoken of as long as the world exists.

My daughter, there is a book which is written with blood and pain, golden letters, lyrics and precious stones, all divine sciences! Courage, beloved, be not afraid of storms nor the sound of the thunder which brings with it clouds that spill graces, love and manna from heaven.
Fill yourself, my daughter; it is love and manna in which you live. Fill yourself in order to give to souls.

Thank you, my Jesus!

I felt immersed in the love of Jesus and with the great intensity that ended the colloquy I didn’t think to sustain the fire that devoured my heart. I even asked for a towel soaked in water to douse the fire that scorched me so much. Afraid that it might do me harm, I did not use it.

Sometimes it seems to burn out and lose all its heat; then it will flare up again, but with such energy that seems it might destroy me. Besides the fire I received from Jesus, I also received a glowing fog that fell upon me in great abundance. It was sweet, sweet; it gave me life. I was living. I felt strong to suffer.

O my Jesus, what charm and sweetness your life divine has!