SENTIMENTS OF THE SOUL 1944
daughter, the purity and innocence of virgins charms my divine
Heart. I take comfort in the shadow of
grace, of your purity. Cheer up, my beautiful dove! Only from a
chaste and pure virgin can I receive this reparation. Courage, my
dear, courage, beloved; you don’t sin, therefore don’t dislike your
Jesus; I am with you to care for you, your Heavenly Mother is with
you. We have received from you the reparation that We desire. What a
joy and consolation for Us! Your battles against Satan, I allow them
and I quash them, but I could only ask them of a virgin like
yourself, haloed with the most heroic purity and virtue. Look, my
daughter, look: offer them to Me for priests. So few of the secular
priests in Portugal are pure and chaste! The number is so small!
This is why, my charming one, I demand these two sacrifices from
you. Be cheered by what your Jesus says to you: you don’t sin, you
don’t offend Me. You are on fire with a flame that doesn’t burn you,
you don’t receive the slightest singe. You burn so that passions may
be extinguished, you live in fire to purify others. If it were not
for your obedience, your battles would be constant. I obey those
whom you obey, but I need, my charming one, I demand all this from
the battles are more violent it is during those hours that passions
reach their peak. See then for how many more souls you have to make
reparation, how many sinners sin gravely against purity. Reparation,
reparation! It is on this day which is dedicated to my Blessed
Mother that I pour my heart out to you in this way.
your dear Father that he will be put in charge of your soul, he will
resume his position, to take you to the gate of Paradise and that I
am sending him a flood of my graces, of my love. Tell him to give
himself entirely to souls, to feel his wings unfettered, to fly,
fly like a dove which, after a long time in the air, returns
homesick to its beloved nest.
your doctor to continue his treatment of you with all due care: you
need it. I chose him for this; I need him to administer to you, to
take care of you with all solicitude and love. I need him to see Me
in you, to suppose that it is I who has come to him and that it is
Me he takes care of. I don’t wait for eternity to give him the
reward. He experiences it already here on earth and he will continue
to experience it. Give him plenty of my blessings, of my graces, of
my love; for him and for all his loved ones.
Receive, dear daughter, the courage of your Jesus and of your dear
Heavenly Mother for your fight. She and I sympathize with your
Heavenly Mother caressed me, covered me with kisses, filled me with
love along with Jesus and repeated to me:
— Courage, courage, dear daughter of mine and of my Jesus.
— Jesus, Heavenly Mother, what painful sufferings you ask of me! I
don’t have the courage to tell you no, but I have the courage to
swear to Thee that I do not want to sin, I only want to love You and
to give You souls.
coming of Jesus into my heart, which is already frayed and in ashes,
shone a brief light and softened my pain. I'm always timid and
terrified. The confrontations with the enemy terrify me. He
threatens me and brazenly tells me:
— Sinning like this, will you take Holy Communion? You say you love
your Heavenly Mother very much... see if She comes to take care of
you. Now I'm here.
other times he pretends not to be guilty of anything that happens.
Sitting very far in the distance, it seems that he engraves his
leers on my soul and even tries to spit me out. But the phlegm
doesn’t reach me. He challenges me saying:
— See if you want all this?
claps his hands, cackles. Amid the fury, I do not know why, he is
suddenly forced to retreat to where I do not see him, where I do not
feel him, where I do not hear him. When he is removed, he howls in
the distance, desperately.
Jesus, what shame for me! I do not even dare to look up to Thee. And
You are so good, Jesus! When You come down to me, at least You let
me feel that the gravity of the evil is not what I think it is in
the hours of combat and in most of the rest of the time. What a
life, Jesus! There is no joy for me, always living in fear of sin.
Living without living, suffering without suffering. Only You
understand, my Jesus. Have pity. Here you have me: I am your victim.
more is to come? For some days My heart feels it is about to be
under assault. I am to be crushed with pain. But if my heart is
already ashes, how can this be? What more will you give me, Jesus?
Will there be more blows to hurt me? Or will they be a result of the
assaults of the devil? I'm ready, Jesus, I embrace all for the love
devil continues with his tremendous attacks and hellish wiles. He
influenced my imagination so much that I was at the point of
believing I had consented to the greatest crimes, and he goes on
repeating, with leers and hellish satisfaction:
you see how you consented?
is in the distance, always sitting, crossing his legs, moving his
face aside as if he is disgusted by such a thing, spits at the floor
— Look for your Heavenly Mother, for Whom you call, and Whom you say
you love so much; see if She comes to help you...
repeats the most indecent words and he says things to me that are
worse: things I do not understand. In moments of danger, I feel as
if I have awoken from a dream and it is then that I cry to Heaven,
with my heart and soul:
— Jesus, I don’t want to sin! Save me, save me! I do not want…I do
not want to offend Thee! O Heavenly Mother, have pity on me!
even said to Jesus:
— If, in order not offend You, I must renounce going to Heaven, I
make that renunciation willingly, Jesus. I would rather be without
an eternity of enjoyment than offend You for a moment. Rather hell!
After that followed hours, sometimes even the whole day or most of
the night, when I felt my body prostrate to the point where my
sister was not able to raise me by herself any more than slightly .
So I continued to drag on without any sign of life, my ashes
disappearing deeper and deeper, moment by moment, in the vastness of
the cemetery where I find myself. I’m being buried and feel myself
to be under a mountain to which many different beasts also have
access. They pass over the ashes which disappear. They bury their
noses into them, causing me a feeling of terror.
Before receiving Jesus I'm in great distress which has been caused
by the devil who scolds me:
this is how you prepare yourself?
cannot describe the struggle that takes place in me to reassure and
convince myself that I did not consent. But Jesus comes to my room,
brought by the priest, and a great peace returns to my soul, and I
completely forget what has happened. Shortly after, the storm
returns in such a way that I have no words to describe; I can
scarcely hide it from my loved ones, who I don’t want to see
suffering for my sake.
Yesterday, Jesus had compassion on my pain and brought to me one to
whom I could open my soul and whom I had neither expected nor
requested. (Fr. Umberto Pasquale) It cost me much. I made a
huge sacrifice just to speak but, looking to Jesus, I offered it for
those who maliciously hide their sins. I cried tears of relief and
shame, but soon a great peace came to me, banishing from my soul all
the darkness, doubt and all that was painful. I felt a force that
made me get up, I sang to Jesus and my Heavenly Mother for an hour
and a half.
During the night, I saw in a great abyss of darkness a large number
of demons, dressed in dark fire, who stared at me with frightening
and threatening looks, but without saying a word. By the grace of
God, the vision lasted only a little while, but I was very scared.
When I received Jesus today, I felt that He strongly enfolded and
burned me in His divine flames and told me:
hold, your heart to mine, my daughter. I hold all your dear ones!
Give my continued thanks, my daughter, to my dear Fr Umberto. Tell
him I give him all the abundance of my divine love so that he can
give it to souls and I want from him more and more desire to give
himself to them for my love, because by doing so he consoles Me
feel freer today from the devil’s assaults, but I feel his terrible
threats in my soul. It is is as if he was bound and silenced.
experienced a longing to be able to cry out to Jesus that I love Him
and that my cry be so strong that obliges all Heaven to beg Jesus on
my behalf for the love I so much desire, that is, the love with
which Jesus is worthy of being loved. I charge all Heaven to love
Him for me.
many times, during the most violent attacks, I seem to consent to
evil, but during which my thoughts and affections do not depart from
my Jesus. I feel that I am in a place of martyrdom where someone has
condemned me, and my head is being separated from my body! My
tongue, still in the head, keeps repeating as my blood is shedding
on the earth,: "I love You, Jesus, I love You, I love you, Jesus!"
the morning, I had made my preparation to receive Jesus and my
parish priest came and placing the Desired One of my soul on the
table, after lighting the candles, told me:
— Here is Our Lord to keep you company. Fr Umberto is coming and he
will give Him to You.
he retired, a force coming from I don’t know where, made me get up.
I knelt in front of Jesus, I leaned over Him. My face and my heart
had never been so close to Him. What happiness, to enjoy such
closeness to the object of my almost insane love! I whispered many
things, things of myself and of all who are dear to me and of the
whole world. I felt I was burning in those divine flames. Jesus
spoke to me too.
— Love, love, love, my daughter, have no concern except to love Me
and give Me souls. Where is God there is everything, there is
triumph, there is victory.
asked the angels to come and sing praise to Jesus with me and I sang
all the time, until I was forced by the Father to go to my bed.
Bound and burning with divine love, I received Holy Communion.
Moments later, Jesus told me:
— They are wonders, they are proofs given by Me., my daughter, tell
my dear Father Umberto: It was I Who allowed everything. For my
part, nothing more is needed. It is only necessary now to fight,
fight, fight with eyes on Me. The cause is mine, it is divine. Poor
men who so sacrifice my victims! Poor souls who so hurt my Divine
Heart! I console Myself in the love of this innocent Dove, of this
beloved victim, owner of my treasures and all my wealth.
Come, O whole world, come quickly to this fountain and drink! It is
water that washes and purifies, it is fire that kindles and
Jesus, I love You, I'm all yours, I am your victim. Thanks ...
(NOTE: At this point, Fr Umberto having realized that Alexandrina’s
communication with Jesus was going to end - because he had learned
earlier that her ecstasies almost always ended with the word
"thanks" - promptly asked her to offer Our Lord all his love and the
love of all the souls that are dear to him and for whom he was
responsible. Alexandrina was then seen to be breathless, as if
bursting with something, and saying: "Accept Father Umberto’s love
and the love of all the souls that are dear to him. Accept Father
Umberto’s love and of all the souls entrusted to him. Accept the
love of all that are dear to me and of the whole world.
received the whole offer.
— Thank you, Jesus!)
peace in my soul did not last long, I returned to the cross, to the
pains and to the darkness and to the doubts that torment me. I
looked up at the Sacred Heart of Jesus and said to him:
trust, I trust in You. You know well that I do not want to mislead
anyone; can You allow me to mislead myself or deceive someone? You
do not deceive me.
Look, my Jesus, even if all those who are beside me despised and
abandoned me, convinced that I was in error and I had nobody, nobody
for me, I would still trust in You. I swear to You, I swear to You,
O Jesus. And if You are for me, who can be against me? O Heavenly
Mother, see my pain and have pity of your poor little daughter. I am
not worthy of your love, I do not deserve to be your daughter, but I
am, Heavenly Mother, I only want You and my Jesus.
doubts disappeared but I was always steeped in pain and darkness.
Shortly after noon, a cool wave passed over me, refreshing my soul
and all the ashes of my body. I enjoyed a great peace and
smoothness. I do not know for sure how long this lasted, perhaps for
the night approached, I started feeling the same cool wave, but not
for so long this time. It was as if Jesus and our Heavenly Mother
were looking after me, taking up and walking with my cross! Blessed
be the Heaven’s love!
"In the original written book I did not let Deolinda write
these words about the ecstasy because they were directed to
me. I do it today, as a matter of conscience. I wrote them
down myself during the ecstasy. Alexandrina only spoke
during the ecstasies of Fridays and first Saturdays. Here
was an exception that I admired very much and that impressed
me because it seemed a response to a request made by me to
our Lord, Whom I begged to give me a proof that the cause
which I defended as divine in a report to Msgr. Archbishop
was truly such. Alexandrina ignored the request made by me
the day before”. - In fide Sacerdotis.
Balasar, 3rd September 1965. Fr
Umberto M. Pasquale, Salesian.