Alexandrina de Balasar



— 29 —


7th October

— My daughter, the purity and innocence of virgins charms my divine Heart. I take comfort in the shadow of your grace, of your purity. Cheer up, my beautiful dove! Only from a chaste and pure virgin can I receive this reparation. Courage, my dear, courage, beloved; you don’t sin, therefore don’t dislike your Jesus; I am with you to care for you, your Heavenly Mother is with you. We have received from you the reparation that We desire. What a joy and consolation for Us! Your battles against Satan, I allow them and I quash them, but I could only ask them of a virgin like yourself, haloed with the most heroic purity and virtue. Look, my daughter, look: offer them to Me for priests. So few of the secular priests in Portugal are pure and chaste! The number is so small! This is why, my charming one, I demand these two sacrifices from you. Be cheered by what your Jesus says to you: you don’t sin, you don’t offend Me. You are on fire with a flame that doesn’t burn you, you don’t receive the slightest singe. You burn so that passions may be extinguished, you live in fire to purify others. If it were not for your obedience, your battles would be constant. I obey those whom you obey, but I need, my charming one, I demand all this from you.

When the battles are more violent it is during those hours that passions reach their peak. See then for how many more souls you have to make reparation, how many sinners sin gravely against purity. Reparation, reparation! It is on this day which is dedicated to my Blessed Mother that I pour my heart out to you in this way.

Tell your dear Father that he will be put in charge of your soul, he will resume his position, to take you to the gate of Paradise and that I am sending him a flood of my graces, of my love. Tell him to give himself entirely to souls, to feel his wings unfettered,  to fly, fly like a dove which, after a long time in the air, returns homesick to its beloved nest.

Tell your doctor to continue his treatment of you with all due care: you need it. I chose him for this; I need him to administer to you, to take care of you with all solicitude and love. I need him to see Me in you, to suppose that it is I who has come to him and that it is Me he takes care of. I don’t wait for eternity to give him the reward. He experiences it already here on earth and he will continue to experience it. Give him plenty of my blessings, of my graces, of my love; for him and for all his loved ones.

Receive, dear daughter, the courage of your Jesus and of your dear Heavenly Mother for your fight. She and I sympathize with your suffering.

Our Heavenly Mother caressed me, covered me with kisses, filled me with love along with Jesus and repeated to me:

— Courage, courage, dear daughter of mine and of my Jesus.

— Jesus, Heavenly Mother, what painful sufferings you ask of me! I don’t have the courage to tell you no, but I have the courage to swear to Thee that I do not want to sin, I only want to love You and to give You souls.

The coming of Jesus into my heart, which is already frayed and in ashes, shone a brief light and softened my pain. I'm always timid and terrified. The confrontations with the enemy terrify me. He threatens me and brazenly tells me:

— Sinning like this, will you take Holy Communion? You say you love your Heavenly Mother very much... see if She comes to take care of you. Now I'm here.

At other times he pretends not to be guilty of anything that happens. Sitting very far in the distance, it seems that he engraves his leers on my soul and even tries to spit me out. But the phlegm doesn’t reach me. He challenges me saying:

— See if you want all this?

He claps his hands, cackles. Amid the fury, I do not know why, he is suddenly forced to retreat to where I do not see him, where I do not feel him, where I do not hear him. When he is removed, he howls in the distance, desperately.

O Jesus, what shame for me! I do not even dare to look up to Thee. And You are so good, Jesus! When You come down to me, at least You let me feel that the gravity of the evil is not what I think it is in the hours of combat and in most of the rest of the time. What a life, Jesus! There is no joy for me, always living in fear of sin. Living without living, suffering without suffering. Only You understand, my Jesus. Have pity. Here you have me: I am your victim.

What more is to come? For some days My heart feels it is about to be under assault. I am to be crushed with pain. But if my heart is already ashes, how can this be? What more will you give me, Jesus? Will there be more blows to hurt me? Or will they be a result of the assaults of the devil? I'm ready, Jesus, I embrace all for the love the Cross.

9th October

The devil continues with his tremendous attacks and hellish wiles. He influenced my imagination so much that I was at the point of believing I had consented to the greatest crimes, and he goes on repeating, with leers and hellish satisfaction:

— Do you see how you consented?

He is in the distance, always sitting, crossing his legs, moving his face aside as if he is disgusted by such a thing, spits at the floor and says:

— Look for your Heavenly Mother, for Whom you call, and Whom you say you love so much; see if She comes to help you...

He repeats the most indecent words and he says things to me that are worse: things I do not understand. In moments of danger, I feel as if I have awoken from a dream and it is then that I cry to Heaven, with my heart and soul:

— Jesus, I don’t want to sin! Save me, save me! I do not want…I do not want to offend Thee! O Heavenly Mother, have pity on me!

I even said to Jesus:

— If, in order not offend You, I must renounce going to Heaven, I make that renunciation willingly, Jesus. I would rather be without an eternity of enjoyment than offend You for a moment. Rather hell!


After that followed hours, sometimes even the whole day or most of the night, when I felt my body prostrate to the point where my sister was not able to raise me by herself any more than slightly . So I continued to drag on without any sign of life, my ashes disappearing deeper and deeper, moment by moment, in the vastness of the cemetery where I find myself. I’m being buried and feel myself to be under a mountain to which many different beasts also have access. They pass over the ashes which disappear. They bury their noses into them, causing me a feeling of terror.

Before receiving Jesus I'm in great distress which has been caused by the devil who scolds me:

— So this is how you prepare yourself?

I cannot describe the struggle that takes place in me to reassure and convince myself that I did not consent. But Jesus comes to my room, brought by the priest, and a great peace returns to my soul, and I completely forget what has happened. Shortly after, the storm returns in such a way that I have no words to describe; I can scarcely hide it from my loved ones, who I don’t want to see suffering for my sake.

11th October

Yesterday, Jesus had compassion on my pain and brought to me one to whom I could open my soul and whom I had neither expected nor requested. (Fr. Umberto Pasquale)  It cost me much. I made a huge sacrifice just to speak but, looking to Jesus, I offered it for those who maliciously hide their sins. I cried tears of relief and shame, but soon a great peace came to me, banishing from my soul all the darkness, doubt and all that was painful. I felt a force that made me get up, I sang to Jesus and my Heavenly Mother for an hour and a half.
During the night, I saw in a great abyss of darkness a large number of demons, dressed in dark fire, who stared at me with frightening and threatening looks, but without saying a word. By the grace of God, the vision lasted only a little while, but I was very scared. When I received Jesus today, I felt that He strongly enfolded and burned me in His divine flames and told me:

— I hold, your heart to mine, my daughter. I hold all your dear ones! Give my continued thanks, my daughter, to my dear Fr Umberto. Tell him I give him all the abundance of my divine love so that he can give it to souls and I want from him more and more desire to give himself to them for my love, because by doing so he consoles Me much.

I feel freer today from the devil’s assaults, but I feel his terrible threats in my soul. It is is as if he was bound and silenced.

I experienced a longing to be able to cry out to Jesus that I love Him and that my cry be so strong that obliges all Heaven to beg Jesus on my behalf for the love I so much desire, that is, the love with which Jesus is worthy of being loved. I charge all Heaven to love Him for me.

How many times, during the most violent attacks, I seem to consent to evil, but during which my thoughts and affections do not depart from my Jesus. I feel that I am in a place of martyrdom where someone has condemned me, and my head is being separated from my body! My tongue, still in the head, keeps repeating as my blood is shedding on the earth,: "I love You, Jesus, I love You, I love you, Jesus!"

12th October

In the morning, I had made my preparation to receive Jesus and my parish priest came and placing the Desired One of my soul on the table, after lighting the candles, told me:

— Here is Our Lord to keep you company. Fr Umberto is coming and he will give Him to You.

Once he retired, a force coming from I don’t know where, made me get up. I knelt in front of Jesus, I leaned over Him. My face and my heart had never been so close to Him. What happiness, to enjoy such closeness to the object of my almost insane love! I whispered many things, things of myself and of all who are dear to me and of the whole world. I felt I was burning in those divine flames. Jesus spoke to me too.

— Love, love, love, my daughter, have no concern except to love Me and give Me souls. Where is God there is everything, there is triumph, there is victory.

I asked the angels to come and sing praise to Jesus with me and I sang all the time, until I was forced by the Father to go to my bed.

Bound and burning with divine love, I received Holy Communion. Moments later, Jesus told me:

— They are wonders, they are proofs given by Me., my daughter, tell my dear Father Umberto: It was I Who allowed everything. For my part, nothing more is needed. It is only necessary now to fight, fight, fight with eyes on Me. The cause is mine, it is divine. Poor men who so sacrifice my victims! Poor souls who so hurt my Divine Heart! I console Myself in the love of this innocent Dove, of this beloved victim, owner of my treasures and all my wealth.

Come, O whole world, come quickly to this fountain and drink! It is water that washes and purifies, it is fire that kindles and sanctifies.

My Jesus, I love You, I'm all yours, I am your victim. Thanks ...

(NOTE: At this point, Fr Umberto having realized that Alexandrina’s communication with Jesus was going to end - because he had learned earlier that her ecstasies almost always ended with the word "thanks" - promptly asked her to offer Our Lord all his love and the love of all the souls that are dear to him and for whom he was responsible. Alexandrina was then seen to be breathless, as if bursting with something, and saying: "Accept Father Umberto’s love and the love of all the souls that are dear to him. Accept Father Umberto’s love and of all the souls entrusted to him. Accept the love of all that are dear to me and of the whole world.

— I received the whole offer.

— Thank you, Jesus!)[1] 1

The peace in my soul did not last long, I returned to the cross, to the pains and to the darkness and to the doubts that torment me. I looked up at the Sacred Heart of Jesus and said to him:

— I trust, I trust in You. You know well that I do not want to mislead anyone; can You allow me to mislead myself or deceive someone? You do not deceive me.

Look, my Jesus, even if all those who are beside me despised and abandoned me, convinced that I was in error and I had nobody, nobody for me, I would still trust in You. I swear to You, I swear to You, O Jesus. And if You are for me, who can be  against me? O Heavenly Mother, see my pain and have pity of your poor little daughter. I am not worthy of your love, I do not deserve to be your daughter, but I am, Heavenly Mother, I only want You and my Jesus.

The doubts disappeared but I was always steeped in pain and darkness. Shortly after noon, a cool wave passed over me, refreshing my soul and all the ashes of my body. I enjoyed a great peace and smoothness. I do not know for sure how long this lasted, perhaps for two hours.

As the night approached, I started feeling the same cool wave, but not for so long this time. It was as if Jesus and our Heavenly Mother were looking after me, taking up and walking with my cross! Blessed be the Heaven’s love!

[1] "In the original written book I did not let Deolinda write these words about the ecstasy because they were directed to me. I do it today, as a matter of conscience. I wrote them down myself during the ecstasy. Alexandrina only spoke during the ecstasies of Fridays and first Saturdays. Here was an exception that I admired very much and that impressed me because it seemed a response to a request made by me to our Lord, Whom I begged to give me a proof that the cause which I defended as divine in a report to Msgr. Archbishop was truly such. Alexandrina ignored the request made by me the day before”. - In fide Sacerdotis.
Balasar, 3rd September 1965. Fr Umberto M. Pasquale, Salesian.


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