SENTIMENTS OF THE SOUL 1944
receiving my Jesus, the pain in my soul was a little softened and at
the same time my Beloved gave me a higher
of union (which I had already felt yesterday) with all the people I
love and with those who in recent times have shown hatred for me. At
the same time our Lord told me:
union, holy union, divine union on earth and in the Heaven. My
daughter, give my thanks, and that of Mary, to those who deserves it
(Fr Umberto Pasquale), also my love and that of Mary.
Calvary, beloved daughter! I want to see it showered with your
blood; the blood that washes and purifies souls.
Straightaway the sorrowful pains of the body and of the soul
returned to me.
Oh, my God,
the storm doesn’t calm! Have pity on me, see how I am wounded. They
try to pull me from your arms. Hold me, Jesus, hold me; don’t let
them to separate me from You. To lose everything, everything that
belongs to the earth, but to possess You, Jesus.
feel myself abandoned, alone, alone, without having anyone to call,
without having anyone to turn to.
O Jesus, O
Heavenly Mother, hear me, hear the cry of my pain. I want to love
your Most Holy Hearts, but alas, I do not know what love is, I don’t
know. It seems me that it doesn’t exist in the world. Have pity of
my cravings, give me the love I desire; in You I hope, Jesus; I want
to love You and your Heavenly Mother.
Let me to
be lost in You, let me to be lovelorn: inebriate me, inebriate me in
Your divine fire.
want You, Jesus, I seek You; though wholly blind, I am looking for
You. For you, Jesus, I feel that my breath and my life, are
disappearing; I feel that I am losing everything for You.
Jesus, four days have passed without my receiving You. Look upon my
soul that is hungry, starving, Jesus!
with Thy food; I lose my life because You desert me, you who are the
life of my pain.
little lamp is almost extinguished; kindle it, Jesus, bring it back
Look at my
soul, Jesus, it is going crazy seeking You in your tabernacles. I
want to receive You, I want to have You.
You are in
the tabernacles, Jesus; let me to meet You there, let me live there.
pain, which has almost killed me, sigh its last breath of life along
O my Jesus,
my Love, to have nothing, to have no one supporting me, to hear only
the horrors of the storm, to feel the sufferings caused by creatures
costs much, Jesus, but to go on without receiving You costs more,
much more: I cannot, I do not resist, come to me.
what poverty is mine, what misery, what pain! I do not trust my
words, I do not trust any of my feelings. What horror, what horror,
what great evil!
extend my arms, it is in spirit that I extend them on my cross. It's
with open arms, with eyes fixed on You that, joyfully I receive all
that You give me. It is in spirit, Jesus, that I join my arms to
embrace and hold forever all that hurts me, all which is the cross.
I love, I
love, Jesus, everything that comes from Your divine hands, I love
without knowing the love, I love without possessing it. I love in
this sweet hope, I love in this confidence: I belong to Jesus, I
belong only to Him, I only want what He wants.
to be loved, perhaps he will make me love Him.
I trust, I
trust, I hope in Thee, my Jesus.
My Jesus, I
cannot live here. My cravings continue. I want to love You, I want
die of love. I die to give You souls. I want to see them all, all
within your heart. All this is nothing, Jesus, nothing for me. I
cannot find any satisfaction in the world.
for your benefits (she means the Holy Communion that was taken to
her by Father John Pravisano SDB) and I cannot tell You
anything, I do not know how to please You.
only, Jesus, I could believe in the feelings You give me, if I could
convince myself that my cravings are yours and that the desires I
have to love You come from You, but nothing at all.
I do not
see, I feel nothing except pain and it is disappearing. It is losing
its life altogether. Painful are the feelings of my soul.
Hear my cry
from the terrible battles with the enemy. It seems to me, Jesus,
that when I call You, when I invoke your divine love and that of my
Heavenly Mother, I am not heard. I feel my cry is being suffocated
in the ash heap of my poor body that is no longer a corpse, as I
felt a little while ago, but ashes, only ashes, my Jesus. It seems
to me to be already in a cemetery and when in the midst of the agony
of my soul, I implore the aid of Heaven, that cry, instead of rising
to the top, is lost in that pile of gray ash and in the ash of other
bodies that lie in the cemetery where I am, whose extent I cannot
Jesus! See how my poor soul is suffering. I am not myself when I am
in pain. My heart, that wishes to love You and to fly to You, is not
I am not
expressing myself well, my Jesus; this heart is not mine, I do not
know to whom it belongs. Where is it, O Jesus, Who does it belong
to? Everything has died. Jesus, have pity on me!
My will is
that of yours, yours only, as You know, as you well know, my love.
Behold, I am misery, I am nothing and I can do nothing without You.
Look, Jesus, do not fail me, Jesus, I hope in You, I trust in You.
is tremendous. They are not enough for me, the times I hear Your
sweet voice infusing courage into me and telling me that all is for
You, that all is to console You. I want more, Jesus, I need more,
much more. The demon throws it in my face that it is only for my
pleasure that I submit myself to the treatments commanded by You and
by obedience. Even if it meant possessing the whole world, You know,
O Jesus, that I would not undergo a single treatment.
appears to me at different times of the day and of the night as a
man chained by the waist, sometimes in the form of a lion then also
imprisoned, except for the neck, feigning tremendous robberies, but
without managing to touch my person. I am next to him like a child
who is terrorized, but that does not measure the danger that he
In the form
of man he spits on the ground and insults me by pretending to
disgust me, sometimes he claps and laughs, making fun of evil
desires which he thinks, and wants to convince me, that they had
when they brought me here for treatment. Sometimes he even adopts
provocative attitudes to invite me to evil. Since the beginning of
these persecutions I feel my body torn, as if my guts and heart are
struggling violently to escape from my being.
My cry to
Jesus, my only cry against the enemy is: My Jesus, I am your victim.
times, the devil in the shape of lion, redoubles the howling and the
assault and, when in human form, pronounces the most indecent words
against me and the doctor and the others.
After Holy Communion:
myself so discouraged, so depressed and I was unable to say anything
to Jesus. I made an effort to repeat many times: "O my dear Jesus,
my love, my dear love, I am Thine.” It took me a few moments and I
didn’t say anything more to our Lord. He came:
— I like so
much, my daughter, it comforts me so much, my beloved dove, that you
tell me: "My Jesus, my dear Love, I am yours!" What joy, what
consolation and glory for Me!
many times. Courage, O my beloved! Do not fear the assaults of the
devil. Have courage! Only thus, asking this sacrifice of you, can
reparation be made to me for such grave crimes.
Give me all
that I ask for my glory and for the salvation of souls. That's why I
chose the doctor for you, much beloved of my divine Heart.
dear Father Umberto that he has been chosen by Me to be near you. I
do not help with his studies as quickly as he would like, but after
receiving my divine lights, I want him to go to your dear spiritual
Father, who is also dear to my Divine Heart (Fr Mariano Pinho)
and to whom I send all my love, and in union with him feed and
defend my divine cause. My friends will help him take care of it,
and of what is mine.
one, give to my dear Father Umberto the fullness of my divine love,
give it to those around you and who hold you: they are all my
special ones. Tell my dear Father Umberto that the divine perfume is
the scent of your virtues. I say this because he needs it for his
colloquy with our Lord, I felt twice obliged to leave Him, because I
was spoken to by the person who stood beside me. I had the
impression of one who is woken from a dream ... energetic, but
without turning to the caller ... I felt compelled to kneel, to
raise my hands to Heaven so that I could thus better praise our
Lord. I felt a craving to vanish into the divine fire and to infuse
this love into hearts and souls, but with a greater abundance for
those who Jesus called the darlings of His divine Heart. Jesus was
repeating words of love for me.
during the treatment, is still far from me. I always feel a union
with Our Lord; during this time, I feel myself even more attached to
Him. Today, in that trance, I felt like a caressing breeze and Jesus
said to me:
peace, my peace, my daughter, is with you. I'm very attached to you:
only your strength doesn’t separate Me from you.
I felt in
me a new life, though only for a few moments.
today the devil beside me and within me I felt an unbearable longing
to love Jesus, to give Him souls, to know Him and make Him known.
Crazy for love, I repeated: Jesus, Jesus, love, love!
middle of this, I could not hold back the tears, feeling my misery,
my mud in which I live; it caused me horror, the mud in which I
were worth nothing, everything was lost. I felt myself to be in an
immense graveyard, and my pain almost without life, even as it was
no longer moving around, just covered with ashes, reminding me of
those animals in pine forests that make their homes under small
heaps of earth and sawdust.
midst of this, I continue to offer myself to Jesus as a victim and
am always afraid of offending Him. It is a tremendous fight almost
without living, I suffer without suffering, I love without loving.
morning Jesus Himself came down to the graveyard, joined the
animals, He covered Himself with the same ash. Everything was dead
inside me. It seemed that death was being mixed, it was like a
moaning of the whole mankind. Jesus did not spark any of life in me.
I was in sad darkness, in a bitter pain. The souls, the souls, the
love of Jesus compel me to suffer everything.
feel bitterness in me at the departure of Rev. Father Umberto, who
brought so much light and comfort to my poor soul. I f eel
humiliated and knocked down; I don’t know how I can thank Jesus for
the benefit of allowing him to come to me. I ask our Heavenly Mother
to help me in my pain, to give thanks to Jesus in my stead for so
many graces received.
- Fr Umberto Pasquale took up Alexandrina’s spiritual direction on 8
September. The care in gathering together the Sentiments of the Soul
is now going to increase. The journals for the three final months of
1944 will fill almost 50 pages.