Is it possible with this tiredness, with this suffering to stay
a long time in this exile?
My God, if this is what you wish I submit to it all.
My tiredness is due to suffering, it is due to my wanting to
throw my arms around the world, to hug it in an eternal embrace.
I want to see it all as a hymn of praise to Jesus, a single fire
of divine love. I do not know what else to do. I do not know
where to hide myself from it. I want to fly to heaven and take
the world with me, the whole world, not to leave any creature
here, but I do not know what it is. I want to rise with him but
an invincible force, or one that seems invincible, drags me
down, tries to steal it from me.
O my Jesus, what account will I give You for the treasure You
have entrusted to me?
Deolinda, the sister; Maria Ana, the mother and the blessed
In these painful cravings to cleanse myself and purify the
world, to love my Jesus and make everyone love Him, I do not
know how to achieve it myself, let alone apply it to the whole
of humanity. I began to cry, cry bitter tears, tears that only
heaven saw. I offered my heart to Jesus again, asking Him to
come and be born into it.
While this was happening, I could not see but my soul felt that
the devil was dancing around me. From far away I heard ugly
words from him. I panicked.
The night was coming, for my soul there had been no day.
While the demon was threatening me from far, fear was overtaking
me because of him, I
heard Jesus in the very depths of my heart.
– My daughter, fear not, you have not sinned; I did not let you
sin; give me this reparation, give me this consolation that I
can only receive from you. Fight against Satan. Make reparation
for the crimes that they will practice during the approaching
night, a night that was to be so holy and I am so offended by
it! Oh, how much innocence is lost!
Jesus said this to me in so much pain and hurt. I stopped
hearing Him, but I felt stronger.
After a few minutes, I do not know how, I began to hear the
devil with his hellish voice inviting all his comrades to come
and sin with me. I felt that they obeyed, that they all came to
play their part.
I thought it would be good to die, my heart had no strength for
more. Only for Our Lord I did not die. It cost me a lot to hear
the names he called me and shameful words he said. What caused
me the greatest pain was the fear of sinning and the blasphemies
against Jesus that he used, accusing Him of being a criminal;
this is what I was not able to hear. I was too afraid to hear
such things about my Creator. If it was not for the sake of my
love for Jesus and souls, I’d tell Him no. Suffering is good,
but when I see that, in my fight against the devil, Jesus also
hears the terrifying things from him, oh, how much does it cost!
Oh, to how much does Jesus subject Himself for my love and for
The holidays are always a deep sadness for me. I try always to
comfort those around me showing myself as happy: but my joy is
feigned. I fix on Jesus and my Heavenly Mother, I raise my
thoughts to Heaven, and I accept the pain for love. It is for
love that sadness is joy to me. Not looking at the earth, firm
in Heaven, only in Heaven, the thorns are roses, the pain is
At midnight on Christmas Day, not to mention the night I was in
the soul, the most sharp pain seemed to dismember my whole body.
I didn’t cry, but I moaned; only Jesus knows how much I
suffered. I began to sense fire and hear the ringing of bells. I
asked them to bring some statues of the Child Jesus. I placed
them on my chest. I wanted to warm them.
The warmth I gave was not what I wanted to give them: I wanted
to burn them with fire of love. I wanted to tell them many
things and did not know how. I held them to my chest and kept up
my sweet moans. I am sure that Jesus accepted them and was not
sad. He could see that no one suffered as much as I, that no one
He knows moans for love as I moan and when I can love no more. I
do not know how many minutes passed, but I know I passed to
another life and heard Jesus in my heart.
- I was born in the manger of your heart, my daughter. It is the
Spouse who comes to His beloved, it is the King who comes to His
queen. I am the King of Heaven and earth. How good it is for me
to be here, O queen of love! The crib you give me is not rough
like Bethlehem, is soft with your virtues. In your crib I do not
feel the rigors of cold, I warmed up and burn with the purest
love. You are my star, the star that guides the world as it once
guided the Magi on the road to Bethlehem.
Say, my daughter, to all who care for you, to those who are dear
to you, who love and surround you that I give them an abundance
of my graces, the fullness of my Divine Love, a place reserved
in my Heart with the divine promise of Heaven.
I did not see the Child Jesus, but as he told me I was alongside
a large palm tree and angels, hundreds or thousands of angels,
many of them with their instruments, came down from above and
surrounded me. It was delightful the haste with which they
descended. Among them was a large staircase; numerous golden
rays came down to me from all the steps. They were like arrows
to pierce my chest. And Jesus told me:
– It's your virtues, they are rays of divine love. Receive, they
are your life.
Those beams strengthened me, gave more light than the brightest
sun. I saw everything clearly. I do not know the time, but this
vision lasted a long while. I left it painfully. I was like
those who walk and look back, acknowledging that they want
something. I wanted to return to it. I did not return to the
vision, but the pain returned.
Came the day, day without light and life without life. Always
wanting to keep my world safely within me, I continued to fake
my joy. All
the pampering and affection I received from so many esteemed
people passed as if it were not for me. When
the day finished, I said to myself, where did I spent this day?
It seems to me that I was dead to Jesus and to all those around
me. I lived, but felt no life. I suffered, but it was not my
pain. I did not live for Jesus, I didn’t feel I loved Him.
I do not know how to say it better. I say nothing of what
happens in my soul.
Oh, my sad life is so misunderstood!