SENTIMENTS OF THE SOUL
1943

November 9

What I think about war, and my trust in God.

When people speak to me of the war and the danger in which Portugal stands, I smile at it all, because in my heart my trust in Jesus increases and I say to Him: Jesus, I trust in You! I say to whoever asks me: it will not be so, Our Lord has infinite mercy! It is not because we deserve more than other nations. Parents don’t have their preferences for any particular one of their children? So it is with our Lord.

Often these conversations have caused me to suffer for what I have heard about the state of the world and for what I felt about Our Lord’s words, when He said repeatedly: "Trust, trust, my daughter."

Often I feared I was being swayed by the demon, but that is because I wasn’t experiencing His effects in my soul. When I heard the words "trust, trust, my daughter," I felt great peace, and a strength which could overcome the war.

It reached my ears that the Pope had been arrested, but I was not convinced of that, interpreting it as people's confusion. Since my childhood I have prayed for the Pope, but for some time now I have been praying more, feeling great compassion with his suffering. Now when I hear this, I pray more. So great a pain and compassion for him took possession of me that sometimes I could not resist it. I felt a grief in my soul, as when the father of family dies leaving all his children orphans. The days go by and in this constant struggle I don’t get tired of giving Jesus all my sufferings and, through them, asking for peace. I want to relieve Him and comfort Him, to release Him from all His suffering, but I do not know how.

One day, after Communion, I felt a great desire to write to His Holiness. Unable to resist the urge, I said to my sister: I will write to the Pope. Give me a pen and paper. And tried to do it, asking Our Lord for light and strength and again I offered what I was doing as a sacrifice. I wrote the following:

Holy Father:

I know that in these tragic hours that mankind is passing through the heart that is suffering most, after Jesus, is that of Your Holiness. Jesus suffers because He is offended, and Your Holiness suffers seeing the world at war, in hatred, in crimes. Oh, how much also the heart of the poorest, the most miserable and unworthy of your daughters suffers by not freeing the Divine Heart of Jesus from the sins of the humanity, so that it be injured no more, and by not being able to relieve the deep pain that stabs the heart of my dear spiritual Father and father of the world!

O my dear Father, I am worth nothing, I can do nothing, I'm poor and miserable, but Jesus can make me strong and powerful and it is with Jesus and the Heavenly Mother that  I'm next to Your Holiness so that with my suffering I may help to bear your heavy cross.

I would like to kiss the land where Your Holiness places his feet, I would like to tread whatever path my dear Father takes as a sign of my pain at seeing him suffering, and as a sign of my deep respect.

Courage, courage, Holy Father, Jesus will not fail you, strength comes from on High! The war will end, peace will reign among men, but always with pain and sacrifice. The reign of Your Holiness will always be among thorns, but Jesus will never fail with His grace and love so that my dear Father may rise with joy after so painful a Calvary. He chose a loving son as the father of us all, to give us the sanctified lights of the Holy Spirit. Because of the malice of the men, your reign on earth will be sad, but it will be happy and glorious in heaven, as reward after so much pain and so much love for Jesus.

Most Holy Father, I am a daughter of yours, sick since twenty-six years and paralytic almost since nineteen. This letter of mine is a heavy sacrifice because I'm lying in bed, with my poor body pierced by the sharpest pains, but it is a proof of love, holy love for my beloved Holy Father.

Oh, my Father, if it were possible to say how I suffer in body and soul! How sad and painful has been my life! It is only happy with my eyes on Jesus. Father, my Father, give me your apostolic blessing, soften my pain, have pity on me and forgive me my insolence. I haven’t had advice from anyone, because for two years I have had no director. He who can, commands, and he obeys who must. A blessing, a blessing, my Father, and forgiveness for my bad writing, but I do not know how to write better.

I will never forget your Holiness, neither on earth nor in Heaven. I do not know to talk to my dear Father. Forgiveness, forgiveness!

I am the poor

Alexandrina Maria da Costa.

November 11

After writing to him, I was more relieved, I came even to feel content, but less durable. On the day after the letter was posted, after Communion, the pain that I felt for His Holiness was immense and my big concern was about military maneuvers and exercises and despite all my confidence, what I heard caused me suffering, and I said to our Lord without thinking, without expecting to get an answer: "O my Jesus, release the Holy Father, give peace to the world, give peace, my Jesus!” And our Lord answered me:

— Yes, yes, my daughter, I will give peace, I will give peace in a few days. Trust, Jesus does not deceive you.

Then I continued:

— O my Jesus, my Jesus, save Portugal from the war! We do not deserve this, but have compassion on us! Will You save us, my Jesus, will You save Portugal?

— Yes, my daughter, Portugal is free, it will not enter into war; do I not have the crucified of this calvary along with my Blessed Mother to hold the arm of the Eternal Father?

After about an hour, I heard that we were delivered to the French and that the Pope was killed. Hearing this news, I felt so much pain that my heart seemed splintered; I was unable to breathe, unable to speak and unable to pray. With my eyes intent on the Heart of Jesus, I said in my mind: “Save me, Jesus, save me! Heavenly Mother, don’t let me waver!” I offered to Our Lord all my sufferings so that the Holy Father would be released; I was convinced that he had not died and that what was said of our beloved Portugal was not true.

It was a day of tremendous struggle. I asked our Lord to send me someone who could comfort me, because I would not wish to offend Him with my pusillanimity. Hours of great agony passed. I was in a terrible storm that destroyed everything with the utmost fury and I didn’t have anybody to help me. I fixed on Jesus, I fixed on the Heavenly Mother, I asked for all the aid of Heaven. Our Lord came to console me saying:

— The Holy Father is not dead. He still lives, his mission continues.

He repeated to me several times in the depths of my heart:

— Trust, trust! Jesus does not deceive you.

But the devil, not satisfied with seeing me suffering without that suffering having any result, was angry, and often repeated to me:

— Portugal is at war, war is at Portugal!

He spoke to me with such anger that I felt dread. It seemed to me that I heard several bells ringing for the Holy Father; and any noise at all seemed to me like artillery firing in Portugal. With all this, I always kept myself strong in the confidence in Jesus. This was on 14 October 1943, and the 10th of that month Our Lord had told me more or less what He repeated on the 14^th. The following day, despite people telling me that everything was untrue, I felt moments of great fear, because I was waiting for someone who could tell me what was really happening. The evil demon tried to take my peace and to lose the confidence in He who cannot deceive nor be deceived! My confessor came and tried to reassure me, and only managed to do that in confession. I was always wanting to pray for the Holy Father, which I did, I experienced pain but it was decreasing day by day.

December 4 - First Saturday

— Your heart, my daughter, is the royal palace of the divine kingship, it is a throne more beautiful and charming than any I found on earth. It is an attractive focus which draws me to sinners. It is a kindling fire that kindles the hearts and the thirsty souls of my love. I would like the world very quickly to know the consolation that you give to my divine Heart and to that of my Blessed Mother! You console Us, you give Us the greatest joys. You love Us with the purest and most perfect love. You make reparation for the sins of millions and millions of sinners. How lovely you are in the eyes of the Holy Trinity! O beautiful one, o beautiful one, o love of the divine love!

Look, my daughter, men are not quick to give the brightness that I wish to my cause, but I'm with you. Their neglect will be punished, the recompense will be the punishment.

Speak, my daughter, speak; my dear spouse, tell your dear Father: my divine love for him is greater each day. I love him, love him most truly. I give him the grace to attract souls to me, I give him the grace to kindle them in my divine love. Tell him that it is with pain, that it is with regret that I say: I will continue my punishment of the Jesuits. There are so many souls among them that displease Me, so many that are not perfect as my divine Heart wishes and requires! They don’t have my charity, they scandalize souls. If they took heed of my threats, if they listened to my requests, they would not have to be punished. I protect, I protect those who are mine. I protect those who love Me.

Speak, my daughter, tell your doctor that his fidelity to my graces, his fidelity to my wishes is my joy; tell him to be strong in furthering my cause. He must stand by to protect and defend you, because in doing this he supports Me. Graces will rain, blessings will rain on him and all his family, on those dear to his heart.

Have courage, my enchanting one, do not lose heart in your martyrdom, do not become discourage on your calvary!

Only thus are sinners saved, it is in this way that the world receives the graces it needs. You live in Purgatory, that is the barrier that sets you apart. It was Me who allowed this to be so. Now you're not in the world, you live as if you didn’t live. Your torment is unmatched. I never gave it to any other soul.

Do you want to console Me, my daughter? Do you want to keep yourself in this pain?

— Everything, my Jesus, everything You want! My desire is to not to live a moment without giving You consolation, my Jesus. To live to console You, to live to save souls for You is my aspiration.

— Courage, then, little daughter! If you know how good it will do to souls when they know the torment that has been given to you!

Your spirit is dead to the world, your life is the life of the souls in Purgatory, but you are not suffering only for yourself.

Hurry, hurry to make known to the world how much they suffer! Hurry, hurry to my beloved souls to free them!

Receive the love, all the love of your Jesus, the heavenly caresses.

— Oh Heavenly Mother, thank You. O Heavenly Mother, bless, kiss and pray to Jesus for me!