Alexandrina de Balasar

December 8 – Friday

Far from daybreak - a day that has not dawned for me – I began to say my prayers and prepare myself for the visit of my Jesus. I could not pray; I was awe-struck, overwhelmed with shame, pain and humiliation. He was carried from house to house, street to street, I suffered in the depths of my soul. I cried, I sighed within. My lips were not able to utter a word of complaint. I was crushed by the weight of humiliation.

My God, what pain, so intimate and so deep! It was an endless pain. I could not see where it would stop.

Jesus, how can I endure such torment? If I falter, if I don’t resist, I will die, die quickly.
With this pain I have not had a moment of joy, nor could I remember it was Your Mother's Day, a day I love so much, the day of the Immaculate Conception. I could not even breathe.

Jesus. Poor me, I cannot be here!

Jesus came. Soon he warmed me with the warmth of his divine love; he embraced me and told me:

— Your pain, my daughter, is the pain of salvation. Sinners are plunged into this vast sea of blood that your heart continually sheds. It is in the blood of your pain that they are cleansed, It is the blood of the new redemption.

You are the second ark of Noah. In you I keep sinners; in you, as in the ark, I guard everything for life in the new world.

Your pain, your immolation and humiliation of life, is more for souls that for bodies.

Courage, dear daughter! Do not fear.

The rain that falls on the new ark is not to destroy but to save: it is a rain of humiliations, disdain and sacrifices.

The ark is not in danger: it sails on the crests. Once the waters of the persecution abate, the world will see the wealth that the waters contained, that they were waters of salvation.

Dear daughter, my beloved, I am not alone, my Blessed Mother is with Me; listen to what she tells you.

Jesus was to the left; my Heavenly Mother who was at my right, took me onto her lap, enfolded me tightly against her most sacred Heart, covered me with caresses and said me:

- My daughter, I come with my divine Son to deliver humanity to you so that you can enclose it in your heart.

The keys remain in the custody of your Jesus and your beloved Heavenly Mother.

I have given you to my most holy mantle, and my queenly crown: you have been crowned by Me.

You are the queen of sinners, you are the queen of the world, chosen by Jesus and Mary.

Today, the day of my Immaculate Conception, we offer you your sovereignty; it starts from today, it is yours: govern it, guard it. Guard it on earth as your will guard and govern it later in Heaven.

I chose this day which is held in my honor, your reign is to be celebrated in union with me, on the day I was handed the sovereignty of humanity.

When the world is aware of it, you will be praised with me.

I felt as if I they opened my breast and, inside it, my heart was open for Jesus and His Mother. After depositing something in it, they closed it again. The Blessed Mother turned the key and after that, Jesus did the same. By breathing in I could cherish his sweetness.

Then I was between Jesus and His Mother as if in the middle of a press. Between their divine hearts, I thought I could not resist so much love, that I was going to die in those divine fires. Now our blessed Mother, now Jesus, kissed me, smiled at me and gave me divine life. And the blessed Mother continued:

— Dear little daughter, darling of my Jesus, receive the life you live, receive life from heaven, receive it and give it to souls.

And Jesus continued:

— My beautiful dove, white lily, lily pure, shining star that sparkles day and night to light and guide sinners, to light and guide those who wish to follow me with the purest and strongest love.

Daughter Courage, courage, love, fear not the war in the world! Heaven waits to embrace you, Heaven waits for you to save the greatest treasure that I have on earth. You are of Jesus, you are of the blessed Mother. All the heavenly court waits for you.

O pure Conception, Mother of Jesus,
Guard my body nailed to the Cross
Nailed to the Cross, bound to the Cross.
Save it, Mother, O pure Conception, 
Mother of my beloved spouse!

I received new caresses from Jesus and his Mother, I surrendered myself and all who are dear to me to him until the end of the world, including the ones that make me suffer most.

— Mother, I offer you humanity; keep it, it is yours. Save it. Only you can. I am ashamed of myself for having received the whole world from you. What can this miserable creature do without your protection?

O Jesus, O Mother, I submit myself to you like a soldier who wants to fight and defend your reign. I want to fight, I want to obey. Command me. With your grace I will accomplish everything. I will be strong. With the grace and power from on high the world will be saved.

It cost me much to leave the Mother of Jesus. United to them, I can overcome the world, and have nothing to fear. Now I fear everything and can do nothing.

Oh, how I long for heaven. When will I go there?

December 9

At dawn today I was not able to say my prayers as I should to prepare myself to receive my Jesus. It is my unspeakable pain. Tears sometimes tried to slip down my cheeks. I stopped praying and said:

— O my God, my God! My soul is being torn like an old rag, thread by thread it crumbles, disintegrates. Jesus, how can I live like this?

Then came the time for communion. The visit of Jesus gave me neither joy nor relief as I was in the same state of mind. I gave him thanks as best I could.

Then I began to read the correspondence given to me. The second letter I read did shed some little rays of light in my soul. It lifted from me the overwhelming weight that crushed my whole being. Without wanting in holy obedience, P. Humberto was able to write to me and alleviate some of my pain, and give me light in the midst of so much darkness.

Without knowing how, on an impulse of love I can kneel on my bed, raise my hands, pray the Magnificat, It is customary for me to pray like this when I receive the attentions of Jesus, whether they hurt me, or soften my suffering.

I sing praises to Jesus in the Eucharist and to His most holy Heart as a witness to my trust in him, and His Mother to whom my sister and cousins also sang a song of love.

After a thank you to Heaven, I fell on my bed, as to my beloved cross. My joy soon died.

I do not usually offer myself to it; I accept it just as Jesus wants, but if I do it joyfully I am soon cheered. But it quickly comes and quickly dies. Until the ecstasies with my Jesus die, it is for me as if nothing has happened.

I spent the rest of the day steeped in suffering, to feel in my soul the great humiliation that the Reverend Salesian Fathers passed on my account. The poor dears! For doing well and relieving a suffering soul, they suffer too.

Oh, how sweet the pain endured for love of Jesus and of souls! I offered to Jesus and our Mother the consolation that I could feel this sweetness. I told them it was as a consolation for their most holy Hearts that I should feel this joy.

Jesus, take advantage of all this for souls. They, and Your love, are the sole purpose of my life.